


THE SURROGATE

by Ohmira



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Bottom Oh Sehun, CEO Kim Jongin | Kai, Depression, Domestic Violence, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Infidelity, Mpreg, Surrogacy, Top Kim Jongin | Kai, age gap, kid!kyungsoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:21:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23715838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohmira/pseuds/Ohmira
Summary: Kim Kai never wish anything in his life.Oh Sehun wish for everything in his life.In which, Oh Sehun signed as surrogate father to bear Kim Kai and Jung Soojung's child.The life as a surrogate which entails emotional thunderstorms.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Jung Soojung | Krystal/Kim Jongin | Kai, Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun, Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Zhang Yi Xing | Lay, Sekai - Relationship
Comments: 82
Kudos: 281





	1. ONE

KIM KAI, the CEO of KIM HOLDINGS at the tender age of 35, many would imagine to face a calculative, far sighted business man with uptight personality. Calculative and far sighted he may be, but down to earth and his consideration to opinion of others is what made of him today, respected and looking up by younger as well as elder businessmen alike. 

Born on the silver platter, one would entitled to act snobbish and pompous, but Kim Kai was the one to be excluded. He would never take things for granted. As a child, he never has a wish of his own, only fulfilling the desire of his parents, where his life is to be obliged of. And he really grateful for them, for making his life pleasant to live with. They provide him education, trainings and the opportunity laid out for him to be a successful person he is today. 

When he was 27 years old, his parents had betrothed him to the daughter of their business partner, of course with his permission and they got married a year after. Kim Kai never oppose, because he believed whatever outlaid by his parents to him, he obliged to respect and appreciate them, and by time he would learn to love them. Because he would not take things for granted. 

Married to Jung Soojung for seven years, he believed they are loving each other. Living together for that long term would only obliged them to care for one another. Soojung is a pretty lad with sophisticated upbringing, the most suitable partner for Kim Kai, people would say. But for Kai, respectful and understanding are what he loved the most about his spouse. 

People would say they are perfect companion, Kai also made to believe so. But only both of them knew, there was a wide hole within their marriage, and they blamed it to the fact that there was no kid running around their home. Kai would not blaming Soojung for not capable of carrying a child, because he is not like that. He is a believer to appreciating things throwing up to his way, remember? But Soojung thinks differently, they needed to fill in the wide, unneeded hole, which they believe the sole reason for their relationship so dull, so void of any intimate emotion. And Kai only followed, because he respected his wife and he was also sick of the numb feelings of his heart. For once, he was hoping for a spark in his life. 

Their serious talk concerning their marriage and children led to suggestion of surrogacy. After long period of consultation with the surrogacy specialist agency they hired, and tons of their own personal research and discoveries, they have been informed by the agency, they found them a suitable surrogate. They were beyond ecstatic, Kai was thankful, after all, this was their turning point of their marriage, oh, the irony. They made an appointment with their agency and their surrogate two days later.

The appointment took place in the hospital the procedures would be done later, together with their specialist doctor. Soojung could not stop form tapping her feet, Kai knew she was anxious, he had the same feeling. But he kept his calm demeanor, after all, he is an attentive husband. Thus, he took hold of Soojung’s cold fingers into his own sweaty palms. 

“Are you sure the surrogate has been informed about this meeting, Ms Lim?” Came an impatient but graceful query from his mother, oh she had tagged along because she believed ‘I have right to choose a wise person to carry my grandchild. She is not a typical annoying and demanding high class lady, but the surrogate already half an hour late from the promised time, Kai would understand his mother’s frustration. Ms Lim is the personnel appointed by their agency to handle their case.

Dr Kim Jumyeon, their specialist and also a friend to Kai, gave them an understanding soft smile before answering on behalf of Ms Lim calmly “I am the one who informed him of this appointment personally. I believe he has an inevitable matter he needs attend first. I personally know him, he is not a person who simply take people for granted.”

Five minutes later, a soft knock on the door led to a nurse informing the surrogate’s arrival. A frail looking man, no Kai would say he is a boy, judging by his features, came into the room, a child around 5 years old tagging shyly behind him. If Kai would say, both of them looked pale and malnourished, except for the baby fat on both of their cheeks.

“I’m sorry for being late. I need to fetch Kyungsoo from school first, and the bus decided to break down in the middle of the road.” Come a soft explanation from the elder of the two. Kai noticed the labored breath they were taking, maybe they had run here, to avoid being terribly late. Kai’s heart broke a little for them. 

“No worries Sehun, come have a sit first. Kyungsoo looks tired.” Dr Kim spoke endearingly to them, must be knowing them for a good some time already. They then been introduced. Sitting closer the them, Kai could see tiny beads of sweat adorning the boy’s – Oh Sehun as Jumyeon had introduced them - forehead. Pulling few plies of tissue on Jumyeon’s desk, Kai gestured for Sehun to dab his forehead, he received a small thankful smile from the younger.

“May I know your age?” Mrs. Kim sure was not one to dilliy dally things at hand. 

Sehun looked stumped but reply softly after “I’m 23 years old, Ma’am.”

“Oh, you look young. I need to ensure you are not underage to avoid any unnecessary trouble. And this young man over here is your brother?” Mrs Kim voicing out the curiosity of all of them, except for Dr Kim Jumyeon and Ms Lim, they already aware of Oh Sehun’s background anyway. Everyone looked expectantly to Sehun. 

Kai noticed troubled creased on the younger’s face, now Kai could see the maturity hidden the youthful façade. “Uh, no. My son, actually.”

“You are married?” Came the next question from his mother, Kai would chided lady to give the boy a break, but he was clouded by interest too, after all, this young boy would be the one who would carry his first child after this. 

“No. But I have a boyfriend.”

“So, your boyfriend is the father of your son?’

The brunette timidly whispered “No.” 

Kai knew his mother nearly had a mental breakdown there and then considering her loud gasp. 

Soojung tightly squeezed Kai’s hand for support, which he returned. He knew she shared the same feeling as him, sympathy for the boy.

“What are you doing for living?” For the first time, Soojung finally had spoken. 

“I’m not working as a hooker if that is what you are wondering and I am safe from any infectious or genetic illness, Jumyeon can ensure that.” Came the offended reply. Sehun’s face was stoic of any emotion, but his eyes hold different stories which none of them could read. 

“We just need to be careful.” Mrs Kim tried to console Soojung’s slip of tongue. Kai knew she did not mean to offend Sehun. But the boy seemed to be familiar with question for him to feel insulted.

“I understand.” Sehun muttered. 

After that, Ms Lim briefed them to the legal procedure of the surrogacy process and made them signed the paper works that they had been agreed to the terms. Dr Kim Jumyeon later enlightened them to the medical procedure that would take place. They agreed on traditional surrogacy where Sehun’s egg would be fertilized from Kai’s sperm via intrauterine insemination – Kai’s sperm will be inseminated into Sehun’s uterine. After all, their problem was because of Soojung’s hormones incapable of producing eggs. 

After more than an hour later, they wrap up their discussion and ready to go. Kyungsoo already fall asleep on his father’s shoulder. Sehun might looked frail and delicate, but he hold that tough and independent stance in him, might be because of the demanding life he lived in. 

“We need you to quit your job and live with us through out your pregnancy so that we can supervise the baby’s development. We need the best for OUR child.” Soojung, who had been silent throughout Jumyeon’s briefing before, suggested when they at the foyer of the clinic. A glimpse of hurt flashed in Sehun’s eyes. After all, he needed to give away his flesh and blood he would be carrying to the strangers, even he being paid for that. 

“I’m sorry I could not quit my job because I have bills to pay. But can quit my night shift job at the family restaurant. And I’m working at my friend’s bakery which I ensure you it will not affecting my pregnancy. And I need to live in my own place because it is nearer to the bakery and Kyungsoo’s school. And I live with my boyfriend… so… But you can pay me… or the baby a visit whenever you want to ensure its safety, If you want.” Sehun stuttered.

So, He currently working two jobs to pay bills and what was the role of his boyfriend then? That explained the frail body he was carrying. Kai’s heart really went to the poor boy. He was too young to be burdened by all of this ridiculousness.

“You could work until your second trimester if you want. By your third trimester, you need to quit. We could not risk anything.” 

Kai resolute and Sehun seemed to have no other option than to obey, he was only someone who would bearing THEIR child anyway. 

“Let us send you home. Kyungsoo looks uncomfortable sleeping like that.” Kai was proposing, but held some firmness in his tone. 

“It is okay, I need to somewhere else before return to the bakery. I don’t want to cause unnecessary troubles.” Oh, he forgot, this brunette was more firm on his own stand, bordering to stubborn for Kai’s liking. 

“Take this and call taxi instead. Let’s go.” Mrs Kim concluded by slip in few cash in Sehun’s jeans then gracefully walked out of there, even before Sehun could react. No one really could beat his mother authoritativeness, made a small smile stumbled on Kai’s lips.

“Can you hurry up?!” Sehun scolded the five years old when he walked too slow, left too much behind his father. He already woke up from his nap when the taxi came to a stop at nearby junction, they need to walk another few meters because the driver decided it would be much a hassle for his to turn around to another junction along the way because Baekhyun’s bakery situated at another block, which in one way road. Sehun was in no mood to argue and they used to all the walking anyway.   
Kyungsoo owlish eyes lit up and struggled to fasten his ran by his short legs because he did not want his father to be disappointed in him, he always would ensure that. 

Kyungsoo had been tired by all the journey here and there. Huffing slowly, Sehun crouched down and grabbed his son’s body to be carried on his back.

Kyungsoo only silently leaning his head on his father’s shoulder, once again he had disappointing his father because he could not ran as fast as his other same age friends. But he loved being carried by his father, that was the only time he could embraced the man for his warmth, and he would secretly sniffing Sehun’s scent. He loves his father’s smell, sweet as vanilla. But he would not tell his father that, because he would be scolded for showing his affection. His father hate affection, he would not kiss Kyungsoo’s cheeks or forehead, or warmth him with his bear hugs like his friend’s parents would do to them everytime they left for school or be fetch from school. His father would not even see his face or see him in his eyes. That used to pinch Kyungsoo’s little heart, but not now. He already a big boy now and understand that his father just too tired to show affection like other parents, he believed so. His Papa always working all the time and would came home to always so angry Uncle Donghae – his Papa’s boyfriend. Uncle Donghae would not let Kyungsoo call him Daddy. Kyungsoo is not his son, he said but would always called him bastard. Kyungsoo did not knew the meaning and never asked.   
But, his Papa would always carry him on his back, and Kyungsoo appreciate it the most. 

They arrived at the bakery when Baekhyun was cleaning the counter. Kyungsoo ran to the back room after bidding his Uncle Baekkie good afternoon without being told. He did not want his father to reprimand him. 

“I’m sorry I’m late. The appointment finished later than I expected. Hana must be waiting for you.” Baekhyun need to fetch his daughter from her tuition class at 4, the clock on the wall striking 30 minutes pass four. Sehun sighed, once again, he had burdened his employer.

“Hey, take it easy. I already asked Wendy to take Hana with her when she picks Danny. They are in the same class, remember. I will get Hana after this at their house. Anyway, how was the appointment?”

Sehun took the cloth in Baekhyun’s hand to continue cleaning the counter. He was lost in his own thought for a few moments before sighing “It is okay, I guess. They seems like a nice family.”

But the solemn look on Sehun’s soft features told Baekhyun otherwise. He knew something was bugging his employee. If not the family he just met, the whole surrogacy idea was in Sehun’s head.

“Good to know that.” He muttered softly. He would continue their talk if not because of a few customers came in for fresh bread and cakes. Sehun welcomed and entertained them while Baekhyun stuffing his bags with his belongings to call it a day. They would close at 6 pm, he usually will let Sehun prepare for the close off. 

When the customer left and he went to the back room to bid Kyungsoo - who was too concentrate on his reading but still smiled beautifully to his Uncle Baekkie – goodbye.

“You know you can always back out from this, right? And consider receiving help from me and Chanyeol or Jumyeon instead?” Baekhyun said when he came to the counter again, watching Sehun with concern. Jumyeon is his husband’s – Chanyeol – doctor friend. While Jumyeon involved in obstetrics and gynecology, Chanyeol involved in Pulmonology field, also specialist who took over Kyungsoo’s case since he was a baby. Their friendship started from there. 

“I already owe you and Chanyeol hyung too much, I might lose count already, and I could not even manage to pay you back.” Sehun said with finality. Baekhyun and Chanyeol or even Jumyeon already proposed to help him countless time, but the same firm answer never fail to disappoint them. Sehun might look young and naïve to be a father, but he held a highly definite ground on his stance. That showed how his challenging life he went through all this while maturing him despite his young age. 

“You know money means nothing to us more than you and Kyungsoo.” Baekhyun coaxed. 

“I know, hyung. And I‘m thankful for that.” Sehun showed no emotion. His dark hair fall down curtaining his eyes, contrasting his pale complexion. “I can do this. This is the least I could do for Kyungsoo as his father. I am the one who put him in this situation. I need to mend my mistake.” His voice sound stable and clear, face remained stoic and indifferent, but deep inside, Baekhyun knew how Sehun was broken beyond repair.   
He was the one who tried to kill his own son, after all. 

The insemination process took place a month later. Kai and Sehun had been provided with the fertility pills for few weeks prior. Sehun had been scheduled to several checked up with Jumyeon after the insemination for the Doctor to monitor the development of the eggs. Three weeks later, Jumyeon called all of them again to announce their insemination was successful. Kai and Soojung were beyond ecstatic. They would be parents, after seven years. Sehun, still hold no emotion. 

Later that night, he went to Kyungsoo’s room when his son was asleep. He avoided looking at Kyungsoo’s face, he just could not. Running his fingers softly into Kyungsoo’s soft hair, he caressed his flat stomach before planting his face into his knees and started weeping silently. He could do this. He could do this for his son, who he used to hate so much and he believed, he still is. 

Two months passed by in a blur. Sehun was suffering severe morning sickness just like his pregnancy with Kyungsoo. Jumyeon had prescribed him the medication for nausea, but the pills cost him grave dizziness in replace. He almost giving up. Donghae being his usual self, coming home drunk did not helping him at all. Kyungsoo was the victim of Sehun’s grumpiness. Kai and Soojung would check on him – on their baby- with nutritious food and vitamins once in two weeks. And they had advised – or more like forcing him – to take unpaid leave. They would bear the cost, they said. And both Baekhyun and Sehun was grateful for that.   
Other than the problematic morning sickness, Sehun was avoiding the thought of he currently carrying a child. And he used to do that with Kyungsoo. No emotion attached. This child would ever be his. He was a mere machine to bear it, and being paid for it. Later when he gave birth to this child, he or she would never know he was the one who carrying him or her for nine months, more or so his existence. Once, when he was too drained puking his heart out, he had caressed his tummy to tell his – no – Kai’s child to please at least give him a breather. But he quickly dismissed the emotional attachment, he should not feel anything or even interact with the child.   
Jumyeon once had made an ultra sound when he in fifth week to check on the embryo’s development, Sehun would not even look at the monitor. He believed, the mere sight of it would make it real, he was carrying someone else’s child. 

He was taking his nap on the sofa that evening when he heard the door being kicked shut. The harsh sound bounded all over the small apartment made Sehun’s throbbing head became worst. 

“Sehun, hey. Give me some money. I need to pay Eunhyuk. He keeps on nagging me for his money. You know I borrowed his money before to pay Alan when I lost my bet. I would like to throw some fist on that bastard’s face but you know his father would order his men to beat the fuck out of me like before.” Donghae without much of pleasantries, marched to Sehun, huffing like a bull. At least he looked much sober, not drunk, it was too early to get drunk anyway. Sehun just closed his eyes, ignoring once used to be his lover, but now more like parasite to him. 

Kicking Sehun’s legs, he spat loudly. “Hey, stop sleeping. I’m talking to you!”

Sehun tried to open his eyes but the stark light from the ceiling lamp went straight messing up head, he closed his eyes again.  
“I don’t have any money now. You know I’m on unpaid leave from my job, right.” Sehun uttered gibberishly, trying to sooth away the painstaking prickling in his head. Sehun already informed Donghae he had taken unpaid leave from both of his job because of his condition he was facing currently. Although Donghae was not fond of the idea Sehun carrying other’s child for money, but he did not care enough to say anything else. 

“I don’t care! I know that rich father of the bastard you are carrying now give you money! Give me some.”

Sehun really was not up to this argument with Donghae right now but he sat up, glaring at his boyfriend. “I already used the money to pay bills and Kyungsoo’s medication”

“Kyungsoo! Kyungsoo! Kyungsoo! I already told you to just let the bastard die! You even attempted to abort him before right! Now is the right time to just let him die!” 

His shout deafening Sehun, but Donghae’s words ruptured Sehun’s wounded heart and snapping Sehun’s calm demeanor. This was not his Donghae he used to love. Donghae used to be his only person who Sehun would open up to, Sehun would feel safe with, a shoulder Sehun would lean on, a home he would return to. But, that Donghae already changed. 

“Don’t you ever dare to speak of my son like that!” He hissed loudly, hands balling into a fist. 

“Oh, that bastard is your son now? Look at what that bastard has done to you! Living in this hell hole, working day and night like a tramp and now carrying another bastard like a whore!”

Sehun’s jaw fall slacked, lips quivering with rage. “No one is to be blamed of me living in this hell hole other than your indespicable attitude of only gambling and drinking the whole day and expect me to fund your old ass excuse of a boyfriend and clean all your shits. No one is the biggest bastard in this house other than you!” Sehun didn’t care if he was shouting. At least he had let out all of his frustration clogged in his chest, huffing hardly. For this few years, he had enough. He used to believe Donghae would change back to his old self, but even his love for this man already clouded by the mere aversion after too much emotional violence threw out on his face. 

What he did not see coming was a harsh grasp of Donghae’s hand on his hair at the back, pulling him hard forcing him arching his back. Sehun gasped with the scorching pain on his scalp, almost tear his head off his body.

“How dare you whore! Did you forget who had picked you like a trash at the roadside with no value at all and give you a roof to shelter your sorry ass of scum with the bastard you carried. Even your parents would not even bat an eye turning back from you!” Donghae’s spat before harshly shoving Sehun on the coach and slapped his face, hard. 

Sehun was too shaken by the blow until he forgot how to even react. Donghae was never the type of throwing fist on him. How debauched he was towards Sehun, he would never using physical violence against him.  
Before he could even process what was happening, another slap landing on his left cheek. His whole head was throbbing all over. Tears started flowing down his aching cheeks, molded with blood on the corner of his lips without him notice. 

“Don’t hurt Papa please Uncle Donghae! He is carrying my baby sibling.” Kyungsoo ran out from his room, dangled on Donghae’s leg, dragging the man away from his father with his little body. He was sobbing loudly scared of his father and his baby’s safety. – His Uncle Baekkie had informed him before that his father always tired because he was carrying a baby inside his tummy. 

“Baby sibling my ass!” One second, Kyungsso being kicked off made him stumbled on the floor, only stopped by wall against his back. He bawled harder. 

Sehun ran towards his son, protecting the little body with his own. A punch intended for Kyungsoo landed straight to his body. Frustrated, Donghae keep on kicking his body repeatedly with hands trying to haul Sehun’s body from Kyungsoo. 

“Don’t please, please!” Sehun never beg in his life, but for once he was begging and crying not for his safety, but for both of his child.


	2. TWO

That was how Kai and Soojung found them, Kai had forced open the door once they heard the commotion inside and the loud cries from outside the flat. 

Detaching Donghae from the bawling souls, Kai throw a hard punch repeatedly on his face.

“Throw you fist at your own same level, not to the weak one!” Kai roared before repeatedly kicking Donghae’s body. Donghae retaliated, but Kai’s height and buffy body was the advantage for the brawl. When he was satisfied, he threw out the man out of the flat.

“Don’t go near them again or you will be wasting your life in jail” He spat before shut the door on Donghae’s face.

Kai decided that the apartment was no longer safe for Sehun and Kyungsoo. That night, Sehun and Kyungsoo moved into Kai and Soojung’s house. It was for baby’s safety he said. That night, was a new beginning for their life. 

If Sehun was shaken, he did not show any sign of that. His face void of any emotion throughout the journey to their new home, but Kai noticed his trembling body when he hands over sleeping Kyungsoo to Kai to be tucked in his own new room. 

“He is still sleeping?” Kai was caressing Kyungsoo’s hair when Soojung softly came into the guest room. She smiled fondly at Kai who affectionately tucking the boy to a comfortable position. Kai would be a loving father, she knew it from long time ago. Her husband’s adoration of children made her decided this surrogacy was really the best decision they have ever made as a partner. 

“Yes. I thought I would accompany him for awhile, if he suddenly waking up and looking for his father. But looks like he is not even moving.” Kai chuckled tenderly. 

Taking her seat beside his husband on the bed, Soojung stroked Kyungsoo’s baby cheek softly “Poor him. He must be so shocked.” Kyungsoo was an adorable but polite child, everytime Soojung met him. Just like Sehu, he was mature for his own age. Sehun raised him well. 

“No child should be witnessing such violence in front of their eyes.” Kai felt like killing Sehun’s boyfriend when the image of them beaten to pulp came across his mind. He already made a call to his police friend, reporting the incident and asking for a prohibition warrant against Donghae. Kai would do anything to protect them. 

“And no one should be facing the violence while carrying, at their weakest spot. Poor Sehun. I already cleaned up his cuts and put some ice bag on his swollen face.” Kai sighed at Soojung’s words, he could feel his heart hurting for the boy. “Should we bring him to Jumyeon to check on our baby?”

“I will call Jumyeon for appointment tomorrow. Is he saying anything to you.” Kai inquiry made Soojung released a heavy sigh before pursing her lips. Sehun was not an easy person to talk to. He kept too much for himself. For that young age, Soojung worried for his emotional state. 

“No. He seems like not in the mood to talk. He might look indifferent, but he must be too shaken.”

It was Kai’s turn to let a heavy sigh. “Yeah, maybe. I will be check on him. You go to bed first.”

Agreeing, Soojung gave Kai a small smile before went out of the room to their own bedroom. They have had a long day.

Checking on Kyungsoo for the last time, Kai dimmed the light and left the door ajar a little. After all, if Kyungsoo decided to wake up and wondering where he was, Sehun would notice it because his bedroom was just across Kyungsoo’s. 

Kai turned to Sehun’s room, the light already turned off, but the door not properly closed. He slowly peeked into the room to make sure if Sehun already fall asleep.

What he did not aspect was a shadow near the balcony, head on his knees. By the way of his shoulder was shaking, Kai knew Sehun was crying. He softly padding towards Sehun and sat beside the boy. He knew he not know the boy for too long and the brunette was not an easy one to get close to. Sehun was too reserve and not too friendly with strangers.

But, Kai encasing his arms around Sehun’s frail body, pulling him into his embrace. The younger went stiffed for a moment before relaxing against Kai’s chest and letting his pent up emotion free, weeping and sobbing pathetically in the dark night.

“Shh.. There, there. Everything will be okay.” He uttered softly while his fingers carding against the soft strands on the brunette head. He would not stop Sehun from crying, because he believed, Sehun had hold up too much emotion in him for so long already. He wished, the least he could do was to calm the aching heart a little, to provide safety in his embrace for the boy.  
Kai decided, with the sturdy wall of façade, after all Sehun was just a boy that need to be held with affection. 

No one talked about the previous night’s incident. 

Soojung had an early morning flight for her business meeting in Italy. Her brand was preparing for Milan Fashion Week which needed her supervision. Kai sent her to the waiting car at their driveway with her luggage in his hand.

“Update me with the baby’s condition.” She reminded him for th time this morning when Kai hand over her luggage to their driver.

“Will do, Ma’am. Take care of yourself, keep yourself warm. I heard there got to be some heavy rain everyday in this season.”

“Aww, my husband love me too much, huh. But don’t worry with the amount of vitamins and supplements I take everyday, my compelling immune system would put the cold in shame.” 

Kai snorted with Soojung’s brassiness. “Take care of them.” She then whispered when Kai took her into his embrace. How haughty she looks, Soojung apparently had a heart made of gold made Kai loved this lady more. Maybe not as a power couple people believed they might be, but they were a great company to each other.

“I will. See you next week, I guess.”

“Yeah, I guess”

Bidding his wife goodbye with a fond wave of his hand, Kai started into their house. He had requested their maid to make some nutritious food for Sehun and wake Kyungsoo up for school. He smiled when a tray of food had been set up together with a bowl of freshly cut fruits and orange juice on the dining table. 

Carrying the tray, he padded towards stairs but came to a halt upon noticing Kyungsoo hand in hand with their maid, fully clothed with his school uniform and his bag in their maid’s other hand. Eyes still lidden with sleep but adorably answering all the maid’s questions. 

“Oh, look who is ready for school.” Kai exclaimed attentively, smiling adoringly at the boy. Kyungsoo’s eyes lit up instantly and bowed down to the elder, with his tiny hands in front of him. Kai almost cooed at his innocent mannerism. 

“Good morning, Uncle. Can I see Papa?” His lips pouted cutely. Kai almost felt sorry for whatever he had experience before. The need to protect this innocent little soul increase tenfold. 

“After this, okay. I will let your father has his breakfast first. Meanwhile you have your own delicious breakfast that Mrs Gu has prepared for you. After that we will go to school together with you Papa, sounds good, buddy?” 

Nodded animatedly, Kyungsoo tug Mrs Gu’s hand to step down the stairs. 

“Let’s go have delicious breakfast Mrs Gu.”

Both Mrs Gu and Kai smiling at each other and chuckled lightly at the little sunshine giddiness.

Knocking softly on Sehun’s door, Kai was welcomed by the retching sound inside the room instead. Pulling the unlock knob, Kai entered the room and placing the food tray on the bedside table before running towards the bathroom where he believed Sehun was throwing his heart out. True to his assumption, Sehun was kneeling in front of the toilet bowl, fingers gripping hard on the edge, retching sound bouncing all over the room. 

His body was quaking heavily when Kai stroked his back, trying to ease his agony. The thought of Sehun was facing this everyday alone broke Kai’s heart. After few more dry heaves, Sehun leaned back on the floor, head lolled against the bathtub. 

“Are you done?” 

Sehun only nodded weakly. 

Filling tap water in a glass, Kai push the glass towards Sehun’s dried lips, a toothbrush together with toothpaste on top in his other hand. While Sehun was brushing his teeth, Kai prepared a hot bath for him. Satisfied with the temperature, he then carried the younger towards the tub.

“You can go now.” Sehun muttered slowly, Kai almost could not hear it, when Kai help him to sit limply on the edge of the tub.   
Kai cleared his throat in embarrassment, maybe he had gone a bit too far. After all, they were still strangers to each other. On top of that, Sehun was not fond of people he did not familiar with. Despite Sehun had let down his wall a little last night. “Oh, okay.”

“Eat your breakfast on the bedside table. We have appointment with Dr Kim this morning.” He ordered softly before left Sehun on his own.

Only a soft hum of Kai’s favourite jazz playing on his radio filling in the car. His eyes concentrated on the road head but occasionally fall on Sehun who at the passenger seat beside him to ensure if the pregnant need to throw out. The younger just slumping weakly in his seat and did not uttered a word since morning. Not even to Kyungsoo. They had drop off Kyungsoo in front of his school and Kai even walked the child into his classroom for the kindergartener. 

Kai could not erase the wipe away the event that was happening prior.

Kyungsoo was so excited that morning throughout the journey to his school. He had answered all Kai’s questions like a smart but adorable child he always be. But Kai could see he was scared to ask any question and would frequently look at Sehun’s direction, to make sure that he would not doing anything that would make his father angry.

When they arrived in front of his school, he did nothing for few moments made Kai turned at him questioningly. But then he timidly asking Sehun if he can kiss him goodbye. Sehun did not even move from his position facing the window, ignoring his son’s request. Kyungsoo however still stretched his little body forward and left a quick peck on Sehun’s cheek and muttering “thank you” softly before quickly open the door. 

Kai believed it had something to do with Kyungsoo being thankful of Sehun was protecting him last night. Through the reflection on the tinted window, Kai could see Sehun’s eyes were closed tightly and eye lashes clumped together. However the relationship between this father and son, it pickling Kai’s heart, they were beautiful without them realizing it. And Kai wanted to show them that.

Kai caught up to Kyungsoo and walked him to his classroom hand in hand. When they arrived in front of the class, he crouched down and facing the toddler. Kyungsoo sparkling eyes staring at him confusedly made the CEO chuckled in adoration. Kai straighten the creased on Kyungsoo’s shirt and gazed at the child lovingly. Kyungsoo’s features were really different from Sehun’s save for the fair skin and the baby fat on the cheeks. But their eyes shared the same trait, hazel and expressive orbs curtained with long lashes. Kyungsoo must a copy product of his other father. 

Sighing lightly, Kai engulfed the big owl eyes boy in his big embrace. Appreciating the feeling of Kyungsoo’s thundering heartbeat against him. This was always his dream, to blanket his children with his warmth and security. He wished Kyungsoo would feel it too. 

“Be a good boy.” He then said. Kyungsoo stiffen for a moment, the exact reaction he got from Sehun last night when he embraced him. But then he could feel little arms encircling around his torso tightly. They stayed like that for some time. After few moments, a silent sniffing could be heard from Kyungsoo, but Kai choose to ignore for the boy’s sake. Little that Kai knew, that was Kyungsoo’s first affectionate hug which he always wished to receive from his own father. 

When Kai informed Jumyeon over the incident last night, the doctor was fuming.

“I know he is a good for nothing scum. Sehun should dump him long time ago. Luckily nothing seems to affect the fetus. It developed healthily.” He nagged while his hands busy moving the scanner on Sehun’s slightly bloated tummy. 

“There, can you see it, little hands and feet. Little fingers might be seen for your next check up.” The doctor excitedly announced.

Kai was beyond exhilarated, lips smiling wide while his gaze adoringly following wherever Jumyeon’s finger pointed at the colourful 3D image on the monitor. 

“Is that the eyes? I could also see Sehun’s pointed nose there.” He suddenly gasped, the excitement was all over his face, voice so full of adoration.

Jumyeon smiled softly, he knew Kai would be a good father. He did not regret suggesting Sehun as Kai’s surrogate when he had been informed of Sehun’ intention of registering as surrogate through Chanyeol. He had known Kai for a long time as his husband, Yixing was Kai’s roommate in college. He had known Sehun through his daily visits to Baekhyun’s bakery and Chanyeols’s story. And when he had learn Kai would like to go over surrogacy, he had been so delighted. After all, he, Chanyeol and Baekhyun wanted Sehun to be in a good hand. 

Kai looked at Jumyeon when he did not receive any reply for a few moments. Jumyeon cleared his throat, embarrassed of his sudden spacing out. 

“Yes, they are. It will be clearer in a few weeks time.” The nose was not fully developed yet, but Kai already exclaimed the baby got Sehun’s nose, Jumyeon almost snorted at that thought. But, Sehun got a really beautiful nose, he would admit that.   
“Can you print the image? I need to show Soojung and my parents. They must be eager to see the baby.”

“Of course, I will print as much as you want. Let me surprise you more.” Jumyeon touched some setting on the monitor and adjusting the volume the speaker nearby, then the whole room echoed with the soft but strong ‘lup dup lup dup lup dup.’

Jumyeon’s eyes crinkled at Kai’s reaction. Eyes wide, jaw fall slacked. His lips gap and shut for a few time. Anyone would tell he was at the peak of his happiness that led to too astounded to even form a proper sentence.

“Oh my god!” he tried to blinked the tears forming in his eyes. “Is this what I’m thinking what it is?”

“Yes it is, your baby is about eight week, its heart is perfectly formed already and the heartbeat can be heard.” Jumyeon explained proudly, he was content his surprise really was a blessing to the CEO. 

“Wow” Kai exclaimed in wonder. Now he knew the feeling of being a father. And he really thankful of Sehun for giving him the opportunity. 

Throughout his elation of what his eyes and ears had witness at that moment, Kai did not realized he had holding Sehun’s hand the whole time. The boy in the other hand, did not share Kai’s sentiment at all, laying lifelessly on the bed. After all, he was the stranger in this equation. He was just a mere bearer. The thought itself was not just prickling but tearing his heart out piece by piece. He had turned away from the monitor the whole time. Would not look or even listen to anything, blocking his whole world.

During his pregnancy to Kyungsoo, when the doctor let him listen to the baby’s heartbeat, he disgusted by it. He had wished the rhythm came to a stop. The heart should not be beating at all. He wished he would not even listen to the beat. 

However, after listening to the music of baby Kyungsoo’s heartbeat for some while, he decided that day, he would save his baby. His initial resolve crumbled down to the ground because of the melody of Kyungsoo’s thumping heart. For once, he had wished to hold the child that he loathed by its mere existence. For the first time, he got to feel different emotion towards the unwanted child, other than hatred.

However today, he wished his heart to stop throbbing in agony because of Kai’s child. He should not be feeling anything. This baby would never be his, he would not be given the chance to hold his flesh and blood. Thus, laying a hand on his arching heart, he closed his eyes, summoning his soul to prevent any sentiment or emotion to come through it. He should be used to it. He wished, his heart was made of stone, empty and dead.

A single tear rolling down his temple silently.

‘I’m happy for both of you. I’m excited to see my grandchild. I bet he/she must be very beautiful considering you is the father.’

Kai smiled at his mother’s reply of the image and audio he had sent earlier. Their baby would be beautiful of course, but Kai bet it would be because of Sehun’s gene, the boy’s features were nearly perfect. 

Pocketing his phone, Kai started the engine of his car before turning to Sehun who weakly clasping his seatbelt. Kai had asked Jumyeon to provide them vitamins and pills for Sehun’s nausea as he had unintentionally left them at his apartment. Sehun’s sunken cheeks need to be filled.

“Do you crave for anything?” Sehun almost jumped with Kai’s question made Kai felt slightly guilty. 

The younger only shaking his head before answering impassively. “I never afford to crave for anything.” Kai nodded in understanding. After all, not everyone have options in life. Knowing Sehun for only a few months really changed his perspective in life. He was growing up with options, but he tend to only receive whatever been decided to him. Because it would make his life simple, nothing to choose, nothing to overly think or ponder about. And most of the time, whatever that has been decided for him would always be the best from the best. But for Sehun, he only had one route to take, it could be north, it could be south.   
Sehun would always wished for options which Kai had always taken for granted without he even realized. 

From that moment, Kai decided and promised himself, he would show Sehun the variety of different opportunities in life, while he himself would learn how to appreciate the selections laid out for him along the way. 

After almost fifteen minutes of driving, Kai came to a stop in front of a Japanese restaurant. Only then Sehun realized that Kai did not straight away driving for home. He was exhausted, but of course he had no other option. 

Kai noticed a heavy sigh leaving those chapped lips, made him chuckled. 

“We need to feed the baby and you. This restaurant serves a lot of nutritious and clean taste food. I believe it would help with your nausea. Let’s go.” Kai coaxed before helping unclasp Sehun’s seatbelt.

Kai was an outgoing businessman, which explained his respectable touching on Sehun’s back while they were walking and graciously pulling out a chair for Sehun to sit on. While Sehun kept flinching whenever being the receiving end of Kai’s pleasantries. They were really the clear definition of total opposite of each other, and that thought tickled Kai’s heart, made him affectionately ruffled the younger’s dark hair when Sehun took his seat. And Sehun, of course seething like a mother cat ready to bite. 

‘Cute’ Kai thought silently.

Sehun knew nothing about the Japanese food, thus Kai took the wheel in ordering the food he think would appeal Sehun’s taste bud and not causing him any queasiness after. He did some research on his phone this morning, thus he got some list of right food in his head. That was the reason he brought Sehun here.

He did explained to Sehun about the food he ordered and asking the pale male if he had any allergies. At least he satisfied with the nodding and shaking of the younger’s head.

“I got another three hours before going to office. So, take your time eating calmly.” Kai started when the waitress leaving them with their orders. 

Sehun nodded.

“We will fetch Kyungsoo from school before going home.” 

No reaction at all. The empty table next to them seems like attracting Sehun more than the attractive man in front of him. 

“In my thirty five years of living, never once people choose to look at empty table than ogling me.” 

Sehun’s gaze fall on him then, dark orbs staring at him in confusion, which reminded Kai of Kyungsoo. Soft sile ghosted his lips.   
Shrugging Sehun’s confuse stare, Kai took the chance in studying Sehun’s face. The cut on his lips healed a little, but his right cheek still looked bluish and swollen. Luckily the restaurant was mostly vacant during this time of the day, thus Sehun was not exposed to the judgmental staring. Sehun could not consume pain killer pills because of his pregnancy. The thought of the once flawless face was now throbbing in pain broke Kai’s heart. He contained his urge to caress the soft cheek. 

“Your face must be hurting right now.” Kai’s face was full with concern made Sehun’s lowered his gaze. He was unfamiliar with strangers showering so much affection as he did received by Kai since last night. If he was grateful, he never show it, masking his expression to nothing, like he always did. 

“A little.” Sehun muttered.

“I’m sorry you need to face this.” Kai sighed, he really did feel sorry. No human being should be offered to any violence, physical or emotional. “Is this a normal occurance?” he asked again. He needed to now because he wanted to help. 

“No, last night is the first.” Somehow Kai was glad. He could not imagine if the scene he was facing last night was a regular for Sehun and Kyungsoo.

That would explained the carrier’s passiveness was more than normal today. He must felt traumatized. The desire to protect both of them was rising tenfold. 

When their food arrived, they ate in silence. Kai once in a while would help Sehun eating certain food in a correct way to make it more delicious. He then explained what the ingredients and where he had taste the food for the first time. Story about his visit to Japan and his love at the first taste of Japanese’s food then arise after. Although he got not much reaction, several nod of acknowledgement from Sehun made him smile. He wanted to approach the younger, and become closer. 

After all, they share a same child which Sehun was carrying at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> x
> 
> Thank you for leaving kudos.
> 
> Comments are much appreciated.
> 
> Stay safe, everyone.


	3. THREE

They started their life as a family through their unborn child. Kai’s life totally changed in a good way, as he always dreamed on but never dare to hope. He was happy with the changes.

In the morning, his routine would involve checking on Sehun if he still suffering his morning sickness, which occasionally happened when he hit fourth month. And he would be beside the younger while the carrier emptying his dinner, tend to his every needs. And Sehun never deny his assistance, Kai would say the carrier really needed it. Soojung also being an understanding wife, allowing Kai spend his time with Sehun’s more. Kai had said “ We need to make sure Sehun is stress free as possible, for the sake of our baby.” After all, they did not want their child growing up in distress.

Then they would have their breakfast together, sometimes joined by Soojung as his wife would usually left for work earlier. Their house would be surrounded by Kyungsoo’s cheery chirpings in the morning, and Kai’s affectionate attention to the toddler. Kai would drop Kyungsoo on his way to work and fetching him in the afternoon, or he would ask his man to fetch Kyungsoo if he was too busy with works. They unconditionally became close to each other. For once in his life, Kai was looking forward to go home from work. When clock strike 6 pm he was already had plan which park he would bring Kyungsoo that evening, sometime he would drag Sehun along.

Of course for Sehun, he would be banned from going outside unattended. But Kai would bring him and Kyungsoo to eat outside from time to time. They even had a picnic on the beach with the thought Sehun might feel bored at home. One weekend, they went to the zoo together with Baekhyun and his family and at that time, Soojung was free from any works thus decided to tag along. Kyungsoo and Hana were the most exhilarated with the outings, while Soojung decided to accompany Sehun to mostly sit down on the bench and eating. His feet started swollen on his fifth month, that explained his tendencies to take rest on every benches he laid his eyes on. Jumyeon had warned Kai about Sehun’s rapid raise on his weight, edging to overweight for the baby. They had Kai to be blamed, he just found new hobby on feeding Sehun, scared if their baby would be starving inside. And he just loved seeing Sehun’s chubby cheeks and adorable baby bump sticking out, making it more real, the man was carrying his child.

On their way home, Baekhyun had asked, “Are you happy Sehunnie?”

“I’m happy.” Was his answer that day.

Their life had been too much colours and rainbows in that three months before it dawned to Sehun one day that the life he was living at the moment was only temporary and be loan to him because he was carrying Kai’s child. It would be over once he gave birth and handed the baby to them, which in another four months.

And he and Kyungsoo would be back living in dump, eat only rice and food he could only afford. He would need to work days and nights to pay bills and Kyungsoo’s school. Heck, he did not even know where to live as the apartment was under Donghae’s name. Donghae might even came back and beat them up again as revenge. The realization slapped him hard on the face. They should not indulge themselves in this pretense. They might find it hard to fit in their normal life again.

He needed to stop this.

That was the reason for the past days, he had secluded himself from the rest of his world. He locked his door to prevent Kai or Soojung from entering his room to check on him. Ignoring the knocks and desperate callings on the door was his routine. He would only eat once a day, for the sake of the child he was carrying. After all, it was not his child, so he would not put the baby’s health at stake, or he would have to face consequences of not being paid the remaining price of his surrogacy. Kai and Soojung knew he was alive only from the maid informing them he did got out from his room to eat. Thus, it did spare him some unneeded attention. Sehun had been swallowed by his thoughts without he realized.

One day, he decided to get out from his room as no one except the maid was home. But he was fidgety the whole time. His hands were shaking terribly, sweat formed on his temple even air conditioner was on. Sehun could not understand what was wrong with him. Maybe finally he had gone mad with all the insecurities and anxiousness. He was panicking without reason.

That was when he heard Kyungsoo’s voice.

“Papa! Look! Uncle Kai bought me aeroplane!” Kyungsoo excitedly screamed when he enter the house, ran towards his father in living room.

Kyungsoo came to a halt in front of his father, all the excitement fall dead when he saw an irritated Sehun scowling hard towards him. “Give it back to him.” Sehun ordered under his breath. Kyungsoo stand still, eyes on the floor, hugging the aeroplane against his chest. He try to decipher his father’s command, he was confused with the sudden anger showed to him.

“I said give it back to him!” Sehun repeated, with stern voice. Tears started pooling Kyungsoo’s eyes but his clasp on the aeroplane tighten, now he knew his father was angry. And he did not like it even a bit.

Kai’s smile fall when he entered the living room and witnessing the scene unravel in front of him. Eyes trailing from Kyungsoo’s crestfallen face and Sehun’s furious glare. He could not understand Sehun’s sudden change in attitude. He knew Sehun was not demonstrative in showing his love towards Kyungsoo. The carrier mostly only ignore Kyungsoo altogether but never look at his son with so much resentment like this. 

“What in my words you could not understand?! I said give the freaking thing back to him!” Sehun hollered loudly voice bouncing all over the room. Kyungsoo jolted in shock, little body quaking while lips quivered terribly with tears streaming down his cheek. His hands fall down to his side, but the toy still clasp in his shaking hand before he slowly let it down the floor with a thud. With suppressed sobs, he ran towards his room without spare his father even a glance.

Kai was beyond enraged. Furiously stomping towards his carrier, he clutched on Sehun’s arms turning the brunette towards him ignoring hissing of pain from the younger.

“What the hell is that Sehun?! Do you need to shout at your own son just because of a toy? Cannot you see he is so happy? Do you hate him that much to not even feel a bit of guilt making him crying like that?” Kai had enough. Before this, he only thought that Sehun did not know how to express his love towards his own son. But which father could not even look at his son in their eyes and never show even a pinch of affection towards the boy.

“Do you even his father? I even started to have a second thought letting you carry my child.” Kai spat venomously. He knew it just words spitting out of spur of the moment. But he could not understand Sehun’s hatred towards his own son.

“Yes I am his father! That is why I want to protect him from the future heart breaks and disappointments. I could not afford to cater to his every whim after all of this over. I don’t have all the money to buy things for him when he asks just because he used to you buying him things. I’m sorry that I not you.” Sehun argued stubbornly, chest fall and down with range. The dark orbs staring straight at Kai could kill his soul. But then Kai noticed, the unshed tears flooding the bloodshot eyes, the wobbles of the cherry lips. Only then Kai noticed how broken Sehun was inside.

“And, should I abort this child as you have second thought?!” Sehun seethed mockingly before snatching his arms from Kai’s hold and ran towards his own room, without the care of his steps climbing the stairs.

Kai then realized he had screwed a big time. Guilt eating him up like piranhas in hunger. He, of all people had hurt Sehun. All of protections and securities he vowed to give the boy had been killed by heartache he had caused his carrier just because of his misjudgment today. Kai could not erase the shattered look on Sehun’s eyes. 

He hoped his apology at least would be accepted. Sighing, he ran to the staircase towards Sehun’s room.

Never in his life would he expected to see Sehun was stuffing his bag hurriedly when he arrived in the room. Running here and there grabbing his things without care toward the baby he carried.

Kai’s heart almost jumped out from his chest. Body shaking vigorously without he realizing. 

“Sehun, what are you doing?” He swallowed a large lump on his throat. Hands grabbing Sehun’s arms preventing him from further stuffing his bag.

“Our contract is over.” Sehun said calmly, face zero emotion.

“What do you mean it is over?!” Kai shouted in frustration made Sehun jumped a little.

“I’m going to abort this child is what I meant!!” Sehun hollered loudly, not a slight remorse in his voice made Kai’s hands fall at his side, jaws fall slack. Kai think his heart stop beating at the moment, he felt like he had been slapped by a thunderstorm. He could not even move his body, only staring at Sehun vacantly.

“I’m sorry I’m not a perfect father to carry your child. You can find another surrogate.” Sehun continued without looking at Kai, the coldness in his voice killed Kai slowly.

Calming his breathing, Kai brought Sehun’s tembling body into his arms, tightly embraced the younger even with all the protest. He whispered on Sehun’s ear softly “You don’t mean that. You are just angry. Take that back. Take that back please…” Kai knew he was being desperate. He was begging, pleading like a tramp for once in his life, for the sake of his child. His eyes could not contain the emotional turmoil he was feeling thus letting tears streaming his face. Sehun truly was killing him.

“I’m meant what I said. Leave me the fuck alone!!” Sehun shouted while thrashing in Kai’s embrace before leaving Kai towards the bathroom.

Slamming shut the bathroom door, he sliding down against it on the cold floor. His façade then crumbling down. He let out a desperate sobs against his hands, gasping and bawling.

Sehun felt like a big hard brick being slammed on his chest. He could not breathe. Kai’s accusations replayed at the back on his head on repeat. He was a terrible father. He would always be. Nothing he did would change the fact that he tried to kill his own son. He could not afford to give him a good life. His child suffered because of him. It would always be like that. He would never be a good father. Even now he was carrying a child because of money. No one would want a father like him. No one want him. He could just kill himself long time ago. Maybe Kyungsoo would find a better parents.

All the thoughts made him weep harder. He has been engulfed by turbulence of emotion made his breathing became heavy. He could not breath. Maybe he should just die now.

Then he felt it, the prickling pain on his lower stomach and liquid flowing from his bottom. When he looked down, he could see dark red patch on his pants. He could feel his whole body stop functioning, his heart drop.

“No… No…” Chanting repeatedly, Sehun was on the verge of hysteric. He felt like his whole world was tumbling down against him. Only then he felt the hard cramp crashing against his womb, made him moan in pain.

“Sehun! Are you okay? Open the door please” Kai hitting the door repeatedly, turning the locked knob with more force. Sehun’s loud whimper for the second time must make him frantic.

Securing his hand on his tummy, Sehun unlocked the door after a few trials with much struggles.

Kai stop dead on his track when he noticed the blood. His whole body became limp, his sanity almost leaving his body. His whole body quacked with terror of all possibilities.

“Kai, please…” Sehun’s cried pathetically, arms embracing his bump. Tears falling down his cheeks unchecked, Kai did not know because of pain or fear as he was feeling.

Swiftly, Kai was pulling Sehun into his arms, mindful of his child inside, running for his life towards his car.

Kai had called Jumyeon informing his emergency visit. The doctor had asked how was Sehun’s condition. By the way he urgently asked Kai to hurry up when Kai explained Sehun’s situation, Kai would not want to imagine any possibilities.

Sehun could not stop himself from bawling his heart out throughout the journey to the hospital. For once, he was terrified for the safety of the child he was carrying. He was beyond petrified if the karma decided to fall upon him when he repeatedly saying he would abort the child.

He never meant to kill his own child.

“Save my baby, please.” He pleaded Jumyeon miserably in his impending sobs when he has been laid on the stretcher, Kai’s hands never leaving him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> X
> 
> Thank you for leaving kudos  
> Comments are appreciated  
> Stay safe, love!
> 
> I enjoy joining #DAECON just now and really missed Jongdae.


	4. FOUR

“Kai!” Soojung’s calling pulled Kai out from his reverie. He turned to see his wife walking hurriedly towards him from the hallway, face looking so frantic.

“What happened?” Kai dreaded the question since he had handed Sehun to Jumyeon an hour ago. Yes, he himself could not understand what had actually happened and still trying hard to process everything. But one thing he was so certain at the back of his head was, he was the sole reason of Sehun’s pain and his baby’s clinging on the last thread of its life inside the emergency room. 

“I don’t know.” He muttered soullessly, slumping heavily against the chair in the waiting room.

“Mrs Gu said you were arguing with Sehun.” Dissatisfied with the Kai’s lackluster answer, Soojung pressed further. Her eyes full of curiosity made Kai’s avert his gaze from Soojung’s pressuring stare.

“It was just misunderstanding.”

“Kai, you are not the one who would flip over a mere misunderstanding. I know you.”

Soojung’s assertiveness made Kai dead inside. Huffing heavily, Kai hid his face with both of his palms, trying to push away tears that started to pool in his eye for the th times since he arrived at the hospital and know nothing about Sehun’s condition. Yes, he would never flip over something irrationally, but he did not know what had been inside his head at the moment.

“Can we not talk about this now? I felt guilty enough that it is killing me.” Kai’s voice break at last. Although disappointed with the unanswered questions, Soojung did not press further. Kai looked stress enough as Soojung took a pity of him. He never looked this miserable before.

Softly caressing his husband’s hunching back, Soojung softly asked “Did Jumyeon said anything?”

“Not yet, they’re still examining Sehun and the baby.”

What had putting him on edge and bothering him too much was, he had no idea if his baby was still alive. And Sehun’s bawling over his baby’s safety really broke Kai into pieces. If anything happened to their baby, Kai would never forgive himself.

He never praying for anything before but for once he prayed for Sehun’s and the child he was carrying’s safety.

After two hours of fighting his inner turmoil, Jumyeon came out from emergency room bearing the news Kai did not know whether he was anticipated or not. Jumyeon’s serious face calling for Kai and Soojung towards his room for consultation of Sehun’s condition, did nothing to the CEO’s nerve.

“Your baby is safe.” The first sentence came out of the doctor’s lips made Kai felt like a huge burden weighing as a whole world being lifted from his shoulders. He breathed in with relieved, tears of gratefulness threatened to fall, but he sniffed it in. The passed two hours felt like a pure torture that he would never want to revisit again in his life. He could feel Soojung’s squeezing his arms soothingly, and he really appreciated that comfort.

“We are lucky that Sehun already in his 23rd weeks and his pregnancy had passed its fragile stage. Luck is with us when the bleeding is just a mere patch instead of heavy flow. Or else we are not really want to think of the possibility.” Jumyeon’s voice unexpectedly calm differ from his panicky instructions towards his staffs when he had receive Sehun earlier.

“So Sehun and the baby are really okay?” Soojung asked softly for confirmation which Kai was thankful for, because he still felt like he was in dreamy state where the scenarios earlier were just a mere nightmare which he desperately wanted to wake up from.

“Thankfully the baby is not affected at all. However for Sehun, we still need to observe him from time to time for at least three days to make sure there is no infection on his womb. The examination we did shows that there is an injury on the wall of his cervix which caused the bleeding. During pregnancy, cervix‘s tissues tend to be softer and could easily cause injuries, moreover you baby’s weight is on the heavy side. And we believe this injury caused by heavy friction of his womb against his cervix. So I need to know if Sehun did any activity involving carrying heavy burden or any rough activities in general recently which cause his womb pushing against his cervix?” The doctor looked at the couple expectantly. The image of Sehun was running on staircase and around his room, forcefully carrying his bags and belongings flashing at the back of Kai’s mind. But before Kai would open his mouth to say anything, Jumyeon added “Also, your baby’s heartbeat is so fast which I assumed because of the distress of its carrier, so did Sehun has been stressed or anxious this evening?”

They have been shouting and bickering at each other and on each other’s nerves. Kai even questioning his ability as a father and had hurting him gravely, of course Sehun would be in so much stress. What even Kai was thinking, he felt like want to pound his head on the nearby wall. He really was out of his mind, right, breaking his carrier with his venomous words.

“We noticed he tend to locked himself in his room this past few days and we hardly even see him in person.” Soojung supplied, but Kai knew it was not enough information. Because only he did know the whole mess that he had created. Wishing the ground to swallow him as a whole, he took in a haggard breath.

“Actually he did look so stress this evening when I saw him…” Kai started softly, pairs of piercing gaze staring at him made him shrunk in guilt. “And we did argue because of some misunderstanding… It is my fault, really. I made him really flip off out of nowhere and even saying about aborting our baby…”

Sharp gasped could be heard from Soojung, while Jumyeon only shaking his head in disappointment. Kai hated all the reaction which has been directed towards him. But he knew he did deserve them, nothing less.

“He is in distress, then? I already said this before that we need him to be stress free as possible, right. It will affect the baby’s development and Sehun would unintentionally hurt his child. We need to ensure that he is in a good mental state throughout the pregnancy. I would say it is mostly common for surrogate to be emotionally unstable because of hormones and the state they are facing. But I was not expecting you of all the people, pushing him towards that state, Kai.” Jumyeon sighed in disappointment made Kai’s face fall with embarrassment and guilt.

After a moment of unbearable silence, the doctor composing himself and soothingly assuring his friend. “I will talk to him after this, don’t worry. I will see if he needs professional help. And for you both, I seriously plead both of you to at least lessening emotional burden he is currently facing, help him throughout this journey. After all, you three will be as one institution for your child.”

That at least give a pinch of comfort Kai was seriously needed. He did promise himself to never hurt the boy again, seriously this time.

After coddling Soojung to go back home and have a rest, Kai entered Sehun’s room. The carrier was still on sedative to help him rest after all the disturbing events. He did not turn on the light, afraid of interrupting the younger’s sleep.

Kai never have the chance to look at Sehun’s sleeping form before, but now through the light of full moon peeking inside the room, he knew how the boy looked like, so serene and innocence. Looking at him like this, no one would knew what the carrier had been facing his whole life.

Although his lips still chapped and pale, the dark hairs fall over his forehead, curtaining his equally dark, perfectly shaped eyebrow together with thick and long eyelashes resting against his pale cheeks, his perfect features bordering to being angelic. Kai never see a boy as beautiful as Sehun, and he was thankful his child would hold some of the boy’s genes.

Sitting on the chair beside the bed, Kai bowed down against Sehun’s bump where he believed his baby was resting. Caressing the lump over the cover fondly, the father to be let his tears fall down his cheeks. He could not believe he almost kill his own child today, after seven years of waiting.

“You must be so shocked. Daddy is sorry for hurting your Papa.” He muttered affectionately to his baby. Inhaling heavy breath he continue again “Thank you for fighting for your life. You are so strong baby. As strong as you Papa, a fighter. Daddy is so proud of you.” An affectionate kiss later fall upon the bump. Thank god he has been given the opportunity to do that for the first time today.

That was when Sehun started stirring from his slumber, face scrunching up miserably.

“Baby…” The carrier cried with hoarse voice, hands wander aimlessly.

Kai hurried towards the younger on the bed, pulling Sehun into his embraced to sooth the frantic boy.

“There, there, baby is safe. It still here, with us.” Kai coaxed softly, pulling Sehun’s cold hand against his bloated stomach to prove his words.

Kai could feel Sehun’s rigid body became lax in his embrace with relief.

“Kyungsoo?” He then asked again. Sehun must felt guilty towards his son. And there Kai was, spatting acidic accusations questioning the father’s love, when he himself was witnessing how the younger subtlely loving his son. He wanted to slap himself.

“He is with Mrs Gu and Soojung at home. I will him here tomorrow if you want.”

“I’m sorry.” The pregnant suddenly whimpered silently against Kai’s chest, body shaking from contained sobs.

“No. I am the one who should be sorry. I have hurt you. I have misunderstood you and accused you wrongly when I knew nothing about your struggles. I broke you. I’m so sorry.” Tightened his embrace around the younger, Kai lightly pressing his lips against Sehun’s temple, letting out his own sobs.

He knew this all was wrong. he should not acting like this when he had a wife waiting for him at home. He could not understand himself either. For once in life he really felt a strong feeling of wanted to protect and give his full security towards Sehun, the moment he laid his eyes against the younger. He had no explaination towards that and was still searching if there was.

They continue holding each other, comforting their own hearts through each other’s warmth in the dark room, only lightened by the moonlight peeking out from the window.

They had been swallowed by their own silent thoughts for a few hours, with Kai eventually laying down beside Sehun on the bed, Sehun’s face still against his chest. Kai had believed Sehun had fallen asleep by his calm breathing and Kai’s soothing hands carding his dark locks, caressing the carrier.

“Macaroon” Sehun suddenly whispered. Kai was on the verge of slumber as he almost missed Sehun’s voice.

“Hurm?” He muttered curiously. Sehun might be sleep talking as he was silent for few moments.

But then he did explain again with voice already laced with sleep “You asked me before if I had crave for anything. And I had answered I could not afford to crave for anything. I had a first hand experience of it. I used to crave for macaroon when I was pregnant with Kyungsoo. I saw it on TV for the first time. I wonder how would it taste. As I could not afford it, I cried to sleep that night. When I’m thinking about that, it is so stupid to cry over food that I did not even know how it would taste.”

“It never stupid to crave for some food when you are carrying. It is normal hormones doing. After this, whatever you are craving, let me know, okay. Let me pamper you and our baby. You deserve it. And I don’t want our child drooling when you giving birth later.”

Kai’s belief in that taboo made Sehun’s smiled in amusement. He had smile after few days of his self anxiousness without reason. And it felt good to smile again.

“Okay. I want to taste macaroon.” He said resolutely. For once, he wanted to forget his worries. For once he wanted to be selfish and pampered himself with the attention he was given, for once he willing himself to live in this pretense as long as this life would provide.

“I will buy you some tomorrow. But we need to hide them from Jumyeon.”

That made Sehun laugh. And Kai would never knew the laugh would be so contagious and the most beautiful melody he would ever given the chance to listen to.

Kai would trade his life for Sehun’s beautiful laugh. Kai knew he was being exaggerated but he felt like Sehun’s laugh sounds like the bells ringing from heaven.

“Deal.” Sehun muttered while his eyes already fully closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> X
> 
> Thank you for leaving kudos!  
> Comments are much appreciated! Let me know how you feel about this chapter!


	5. FIVE

Kai would never imagine in his life he would be given the opportunity waking up to the feeling of this much contentment. Warmth spreading his whole chest like wildfire when he felt the burning heat of his child in his carrier against his own tummy. The whole feeling was totally odd but most welcomed by him.

And he let himself divulge in that feels by just holding his carrier until Sehun started stirring, waking up from his deep sleep. 

Although Sehun seems a bit awkward with their almost intimate encounter last night, Kai tried to lighten up the situation by making small talks and helping the younger clean himself and change into a new clean hospital gown – only as much as Sehun let his to assist.

He was feeding Sehun – although with more arguments of “I can eat by myself” and been countered by “I want to feed my baby” (whichever baby Sehun not need to know) and Sehun surrendered at last – when a soft knock followed by Soojung and Kyungsoo entered the room.

“Good morning.” She greeted with huge smile on her face, ushering Kyungsoo towards Sehun’s bed when she turned to place a duffle bag containing Kai’s fresh clothes and toiletries on the couch opposite the bed.

Kai lighten up looking at his little friend who unusually quiet, trying to hide behind Soojung’s skirt and following Soojung’s every move.

“Good morning. Hey buddy. Come here.” He beckoned Kyungsoo over to him after placing the empty plate on bedside table.

Emerging from his hiding place – which was Soojung’s skirt - Kyungsoo took shy steps towards Kai’s arms who was crouching down beside the bed while Soojung made herself comfortable on the coach with crossed legs, watching Kyungsoo’s antics with amusement.

“He was crying all night for his Papa.”

“Oh really? Poor baby.” Kai gasped before taking a look at the boy’s face, now he noticed how swollen Kyungsoo’s eyes on his somber face. All his life, Kyungsoo growing up with only his father close by his side and never once being separated from each other, even how difficult their relationship was. Thus, Kai understood Sehun worries for Kyungsoo last night and Kyungsoo looking for Sehun the whole night. Their lives only consist of each other.

“Is Papa and my baby brother is okie?” Kyungsoo softly queried, big swollen eyes looking at Kai with anticipation, but never once turned to look at Sehun on the bed, behind Kai. He looked nervous too. While Sehun as usual, masking his face with emotionless expression, only playing with his fingers on his laps, although he did actually gravely moved by Soojung’s words and Kyungsoo’s concerns. 

Smiling softly towards the fidgeting boy in his arms, Kai turned to look at Sehun affectionately. His thought wandered, this two really shared the most strange but loveliest relationship ever, bordering to be the cutest Kai had ever witnessed. And he would help them seeing that.

“They are all okay. Do you want to sit with you Papa?” Before Kyungsoo could answer however, Kai brought the toddler up in his arms and carefully placing him against his father’s chest, at the same time never fail to ensure that Kyungsoo’s weight was not pressing Sehuns bump. Sehun startled for a moment but not even protest when Kai pulled the carier’s hands around Kyungsoo’s tiny body.

Kyungsoo turned rigid at Sehun’s side. Afraid if he snuggled closer, his father would scold him, although he did missed his Papa’s warmth. His father’s angered face yesterday suddenly invaded his thought making him weeping against his father’s chest “Kyungsoo is sorry for not listen to Papa.” He really thought that he was the reason his Papa and his little sibling was hurting last night.

Flustered, Sehun gazed up to Kai in confusion. With the older smiles of encouragement, he then pulled Kyungsoo closer into his embrace before pressing his lips on his son’s dark hair while carding his fingers into the hairs soothingly. For the first time, he showed his son his affection that the boy needed the most, when the toddler was not sleeping. For once, he let his son knew that he had been loved, after all. 

Kai’s eyes never leave the father and son, face lighten up with satisfied grin, unknown to him, Soojung smiled proudly at his husband.

“I’m sorry to interrupt this lovely scene. But I have to check on the pregnant papa here.” Jumyeon interrupted after few soft knocking on the open door with a nurse pushing a big machine behind him. All the eyes fall on the smiling doctor.

Kai took Kyungsoo out the bed before plucking a few plies of tissue on the bedside table and help the toddler cleaning the tears on his face.

“Hello Kyungsoo, visiting your Papa, huh?” Crouching down to Kyungsoo’s eyelevel, the doctor greeted the toddler cheerfully while he let the nurse check on Sehun’s blood pressure.

“Hello doctor. Visiting Papa and my baby sibling.” Kyungsoo corrected the doctor cheerfully, the traces of his crying mess few minutes before totally wiped out. Sudden change of the toddler’s mood carved bright smile on the adults’ faces. Except for the carrier as his heart constrict painfully with Kyungsoo’s innocent nickname to the baby he was carrying. Truth to be told, Kyungsoo would never have the chance to see his sibling growing up and play with him/her, but he could never say the fact on Kyungsoo’s face. But he would need to, eventually.

“Oh, excited to be an older brother, I see. Do you want to see your baby sibling?” Jumyeon’s question made Kyungsoo jumped a little. But then pondering curiously how would it possible for him to see his baby sibling who was sleeping inside his Papa’s tummy.

“Can I?” Kyungsoo asked with pouty lips, face frown with curiosity cutely.

“Of course, with this magic machine you can greet your baby sibling.” Kyungsoo loud gasp and big eyes ballooned comically made Jumyeon chuckled light heartedly. He then turned to the adults in the room. “Sehun already on his 23rd week, the baby genital could be seen at this stage. Would you guys want to know the gender or prefer for surprise?”

“I’m excited to know.” Soojung answered gleefully without a bat of an eye, but still looking at his husband’s direction for approval, made Kai smile softly at him. But for Kai, the person who had the absolute right to make the decision was the carrier himself, thus his gaze fall upon Sehun, who had kept mummed and more interested in paying attention to the nurse who was writing report on Sehun’s information board.

“What do you think, Sehun?” With the call of his name, Sehun had no choice but to look at Kai. Kai’s intent eyes which was boring towards his own causing some flutters inside his tummy, must be because of the baby, he reasoned. For Sehun, he had no say in this, because after all, they pay him to carry their child, so any decision making concerning the baby only would involve Kai and Soojung only.

Thus, came the weak reply “It is up to you guys.” ‘As the child’s parents’ Sehun would like to add but choose to shut his lips and putting the uninterested face instead.

Kai wanted to reassure Sehun into believing that he had every right to this child as much as his, but decided against it. There were too many audiences for that argument. Sighing, he decided at last “I want to know too. So then we can get ready with specific gender clothes and necessities to welcome the baby.”

Everyone seemed to satisfy with the decision. Jumyeon was quick to prepare for the scanning process with the nurse’s help.

“Do you feel any abdominal pain this morning?” He asked while rolling Sehun’s hospital gown against his chest, revealing his sixth month baby bump. Sehun only shook his head. Face crimsoning a little with the sudden exposure in front of so many people.

Kai could not avert his eyes from the potruding belly. His baby was sleeping in there. Now seeing Sehun’s bump in a flesh make it more real. He could notice reddened stretch mark on the pale skin, must be itchy and sting for Sehun to endure, and the younger never once to complain his sufferings. He made a mental note to buy lotion and body oil for the marks later. 

Sehun hissed a little when a cold substance being spread around his stomach. Even he had experienced it during few of his ultrasound before, the uncomfortable feeling never failed to surprise him. The doctor then started to roll over the device in his hand all around his bump.

The colourful 3D image displayed on the monitor made Kyungsoo gasped excitedly, interest perked tenfold.

“Is that my baby sibling? And he/she is sleeping. So cute. ” The innocent curiosity really made him chirpy more than usual as oppose to his solemn look this morning, and made the adults chuckled softly with his antics. 

“Yes, baby. See, he/she is so healthy.” Jumyeon answered intently anyway, face focus on the monitor, scanning for something unusual. Kyungsoo’s loveable queries reminded him of his own daughter at home. “Do you feel the kickings already?” He turned to the pregnant male.

“Faintly.” Sehun answered shortly. The answer made Kai’s attention turned to Sehun. But before he could ask further, Soojung beat him to it. 

“Oh, it is kicking already?”

“Babies start kicking as early as 13th week. But only the carrier could feel it inside. Give it few more weeks, all of you could experience the obvious kickings. But poor Sehun though. I hope this baby would not be so active at night, or it would disturb your sleep.”

The mere thought of losing his sleep on top of the soreness all over his body unintentionally bringing a heavy sigh on Sehun’s lips, made both Jumyeon and Kai chuckled in pity. 

“Okay, let’s go to the main course. Ha, there it is. Congratulations people, your baby girl say hye.”

Soojung shrieked in happiness, already imagining dolling up their daughter in various kind of cute gown and skirts.

Aside from the idea of he would be a father in three more months, Kai would never imagine the feeling of satisfaction he was feeling right now. He would father a Princess, who he would definitely shower with love and spoil her to the brim.

Squeezing Sehun’s hand and gazing lovingly at the brimming orbs, Kai soft smile grazed his lips, full of gratitude. He could not wait to hold his baby girl.

Sehun has been discharged with no infection and fully recovered two days after. With the knowledge of the gender, Kai and Soojung could not help the shopping spree. Their daughter’s supposed to be nursery now full of pink and pastel colored necessities. Mrs Kim also joined the purchase of cute and pretty stuff’s bandwagon. The amount of pink almost made Sehun throw up. He would sometimes intentionally avoid himself from involving himself from the hype, because it seems all real now. In few more months, he would give birth and handing over his daughter to the couple. The idea of giving happiness by presenting the miracle to Kai and Soojung however did ease his mind. At least Kai and Soojung would experience the opportunity being a parents and his daughter would be living her life with house full of loving people.

And Sehun, would resume living his life and focusing on Kyungsoo’s health.

Two more months left, the carrier determined to receive all the loves and attention he has been showered and appreciate every bit of them, because after this, he would have none of that. Other than Kyungsoo’s.

Sehun had requested to have a walk to the park that evening when Kai just arrived from work, face full of exhaustion. Jumyeon had said that walking was a good exercise in preparation for giving birth process. But the CEO would never let Sehun wandered alone, even the park only few meters from home, thus he walked side by side with Sehun. Kyungsoo was walking with little hops in his every step in front of them, ecstatic to spend his evening with his Papa and his favorite Uncle Kai at the park.

“Do you want to sit?” Kai asked when they arrived. With Sehun’s nod, Kai pulled him towards a vacant bench while Kyungsoo was dashing towards the nearby swing. It was late in the evening, the sky started to darken with picturesque of golden and orange paintings. Thus the park was mostly empty except for an old man who was walking his dog and a group of teenagers who were still engrossed in their basketball game.

Sitting comfortably on the bench, Sehun took a heavy breath, resting his hand on his bulging bump. “Even a short walk make me breathless.” The carrier’s grumbled made Kai who was taking his seat next to him chuckled affectionately.

“Maybe we need to listen to Jumyeon in watching your diet.” Realizing the offended but fierce look the younger threw at him, Kai’s hand automatically gestured in surrender before explaining himself. Pregnant people never cease to be scary “I’m not saying you are fat but our baby is.”

“I would always blame you. Stop feeding me with good food, I cannot stop eating. And Jumyeon did warn me to stop taking macaroon as my daily snack, I would get diabetes at this point.” The pout followed after almost made Kai cooed out loud, but he chose to pat lovingly on the younger’s dark lock instead.

“I don’t want my daughter drooling in her whole life.” Kai shrugged playfully with his usual taboo. And as usual, it did made Sehun laugh melodiously which easily infected Kai to join suit.

A sudden thought made Sehun’s giggles fall abruptly, replaced with a deep frown. Kai never fail to feel amaze with the sudden change of mood mere hormones could make to a pregnant person.

“I don’t want to think how would I deliver a 4 kg baby out from my tummy. Kyungsoo only 2.5kg before and I could still feel the pain.” Sehun’s whole body shivered by only thinking about it.

Pulling Sehun closer to his side, he caressed the younger soothingly. “But it is all worth it, right?”

“It is.” Sehun was quick to answer, smiling softly at Kai who was too struck by the blinding smile to produce any respond. His gaze fall on Sehun’s crescent eyes, long eyelashes fall on his crimsoning full cheeks, and those pink lips few inches from his own face were really testing his self control.

Kyungsoo’s loud shriek snatched Kai from his fascination and clearing his throat before turning to look at Kyungsoo’s direction.

“Look at your 2.5kg baby, so hyper playing with god know who’s puppy.” Kai joked to ease his thumping heart, pointing his chin towards Kyungsoo who was throwing a toy plate back and forth to the dog and laughing his heart out when the dog succeed in catching it.

“He loves puppy.” Oblivious of Kai’s inner turmoil, Sehun chuckled lightly before warn the CEO with intimidation “No, please don’t buy him one. Stop spoiling him.” Sehun trying to be intimidating just too cute for Kai to handle, like a mother cat ready to bite.

“I found pleasure in spoiling both of you.” Was Kai’s answer which had made Sehun’s previous resolution falling down the ground. It was so appeasing being the receiving end of the promising words. And Sehun loved that too much for his own good.

They lost in their own thoughts for a while. The teenagers started to disperse towards their own home. Kyungsoo’s loud laugh and dog’s barking happily was their melodious background music for few more moments.

When the cold breeze gusting over them made Sehun shivered a little, Kai pulled him into his embrace for the much needed warmth and calling for Kyungsoo, calling it a day. The toddler did grunted a little in protest but bidding his new friend goodbye anyway and bowing politely towards the old owner.

Kai bowed to the elder in appreciation for letting Kyungsoo play with his pet and took Kyungsoo’s little hand in his when the toddler slightly running to him with wide grin on his adorable face.

“Having fun, buddy?” Kai asked while removing dead grass sticking on Kyungsoo’s disheveled hairs while his other hand intertwined with his carrier’s. The kid really had fun of his life. 

“It is so much fun! Ginger is so clever when I throw the toy he could catch it all the time. And chew it off with saliva drooling all over his mouth. It is so gross. But want to play with him again, Daddy! Let us race, who is fastest is the winner!” Kyungsoo animatedly exclaimed and excitedly running as much as his little feet would bring him but not too exhausting himself, or he would have difficulties in breathing. But, he did not even noticed of his slip of tongue for calling Kai ‘daddy’. Sehun already turned rigid by Kai’s side, heart drop at the bottom of his stomach. Their tangled fingers felt so cold against each other.

The whole journey to home was filled with awkward silent.

“Not sleeping yet?” Kai asked later that night when he found Sehun still wide awake in his room, hands massaging his swollen feet, with lot of difficulties considering his bump on his way.

“No, seems like the walks earlier decided to mess up my feet. I got cramp.” Few traces of dried tears could be found on his cheeks, Sehun must be hurting all by himself. And he really did. He felt like the veins on his feet knotted each other and being snatched hard in different direction.

Sitting on the floor beside the bed, Kai took Sehun’s feet on his laps and start massaging the feet with the oil in younger’ hand.

“Next time, just call me if you are feeling uncomfortable. I will at your service anytime. I know how difficult it is to you to carry my child. And I appreciate that.” This the least he could do to the man who had volunteered to carry his child.

If Sehun was moved by Kai’s sudden appreciation, he did not show that. He was too busy refraining himself from crying from gratification, this man in front of him was really something else. The love and attention he was giving Sehun was on another level that the carrier needed to remind himself that the father of his child he was carrying was a husband to a beautiful and successful lady. He could never even be at par as Soojung.

“Better?” Kai asked after awhile. Nodding, Sehun pulled his feet from Kai’s laps. Kai then ordered Sehun to lie down on the bed before rolling his shirt revealing his pale bloated tummy. At this point of time, Sehun was already comfortable with Kai watching his naked bump and touching his body. After all, the elder had taken care of his pain throughout the pregnancy.

Opening a half used bottle of lotion he had bought last month, Kai pour the milky cream on Sehun’s bump and spread it around. The crimsoning stretch marks already lessening with his routine of massaging it with Vaseline and Bio Oil. The idea of the once used to be a flawless skin now tainted with marks did not sit well with Kai.

“I’m sorry about Kyungsoo earlier.” Sehun suddenly muttered made Kai’s gaze turned to him. Sehun felt so sick just thinking about the incident. He did not want Kai misunderstood them as the opportunist when he just being nice to them.

“It is okay. It just slipped of tongue. Even he did not even notice.” Kai reassuring smile made Sehun dropped the subject. It was too shameful to even drown in it for long.

Kai’s hand softly caressing his bump did sooth the itch and sting on his skin, thus he indulge himself in the comfort. And he did not say it out loud, but Kai’s touch did made his baby calm a little.

“I think I want to see Baekhyun Hyung at his bakery tomorrow. I miss talking to him and I need to smell the aroma of freshly baked bread at least once before I giving birth.” Sehun joked at the end to lighten up his heart. He did missed Baekhyun though. After all, he was closest to the family he had.

Snorting while contemplating for a while, Kai then decided. “I will drop you at his bakery after we fetch Kyungsoo from school and I will fetch you again after office hour. I’m planning to finish my work early tomorrow anyway.”

“Or I can just call a taxi?” Sehun tried unconvincingly. He did not want to burden Kai, and he used to be independent anyway.

“Absolutely nope.” Of course, this is Kim Kai we were talking about. Too much over protectiveness towards his carrier and his baby, Sehun rolled his eyes made Kai chuckled in amusement. Sehun was just 23 years old anyway, still a kid at heart.

“Dictator.” The pregnant grumbled begrudgingly. That was when he felt a hard kick from inside, the hardest he had felt so far. “Oww.” He moaned in pain, the body jolted by the painful pressure inside. By the way Kai’s eyes blown wide in astonishment, he must felt that too. “Can you feel it?” Sehun asked after the pain subside.

“Dis she just kicked? Wow. She is already daddy’s daughter. Good job Princess. Thank you for siding your Daddy.” Kai dodged Sehun’s playful punch on his arm with a snigger, refrain himself from pinching Sehun’s pouting lips.

“But do not kick your Papa too much. Let him rest, will you?” He then affectionately whispered against Sehun’s bump while caressing it softly, to calm his hyperactive daughter. 

And Sehun just let himself melting with all the love he received.

As has been agreed last night – more like being forced to at Sehun’s end – Kai dropped off Sehun and Kyungsoo by Baekhyun’s bakery in the afternoon. The baker was all ecstatic receiving his new guess at the door, swallowing them in his tight embrace.

“How are all my babies doing?” Baekhyun enquired when releasing them from his extra tight hug after Kyungsoo complained of could not breathe.

“We are all good. I miss this smell.” Sniffing the air dramatically, Sehun left him to take a seat on the table in front of the counter.

Smiling brightly, Baekhyun take Kyungsoo’s hand into his and pulled him towards his father who was busy looking around the place. “Only the smell?”

“Yep.” Baekhyun snorted at the younger’s answer while placing Kyungsoo securely on a high chair beside his pregnant Papa. Baekhyun loved this side of playful Sehun. This meant that he had no burden to ponder over and were living a good life.

“Mark, could you please make some chocolate frappe for these two? I will take out our specials for today, freshly baked Oreo Cheese Double Cake.”

“So yummy!” Kyungsoo shrieked in excitement with the mention of his favorite cake, hands flying high.

“Of course, baby. Uncle Baekie made it.” Could not help himself with the bundle of cuteness, Baekhyun pinch Kyungsoo chubby cheeks before sashay his way towards his kitchen. Only returning a while later with plates full of cakes and biscuits for his favorite duo.

Mark then approached them with two chocolate frappes at hands, face full with friendly smile. Kyungsoo amazed with Mark’s mobs of curly hairs made him gaze at him without a bat of is eyes with a cookie in a hand. “Oh, this is Mark. He came as my helper like a knight in shining armor after you left.” Baekhyun introduced them before letting Sehun and Mark exchanging pleasantries.

Half a day with Baekhyun meant a lot of eating and gossips. Sehun who could not stand still, lending a hand when customers started to flood the bakery in the evening, although being reprimand by Baekhyun. The usual occurrence a day before weekend, people would look for bread or cakes to share with their family on weekend night thus explained the sudden mob of people in the bakery. 

When clock started struck 6 pm, only an elder lady left choosing her favorite bread. After she left, Mark and Baekhyun started cleaning around for the closing.

“Do you want to send you home?” Baekhyun asked while he was cleaning his glass displays while Sehun was slumping on his seat, content with his productive self for today but his feet started to throb with all the walking here and there made him grumbled a little.

“No need. Kai will fetch us here after this.” Talking about Kai, the elder had said he would leave from work early. Now already 20 minutes past 6, not even his shadow could be seen. Sehun then looking around the roadside, if he could spot Kai’s car through the glass window of the bakery but none spotted.

That was when his eyes fall on the familiar dark orbs, looking straight at him menacingly. When the tall figure started dashing into the bakery with confident steps, Sehun’s heart fall onto his stomach, body quaked with horror.

Donghae.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> x
> 
> Thank you for leaving kudos  
> Comment what do you feel about this chapter. 
> 
> Follow me on twitter: Ohmira/ @ParkByu08615504
> 
> p/s : Congratulation Chen for your beautiful Princess.


	6. SIX

Sehun’ first instinct was to stand up from his seat and jerked back, hand securing his bump.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Was Baekhyun’s scream when he noticed Sehun’s ex boy friend’s hurriedly struts towards the carrier.

Sehun over anxiousness failed his feet to mov, only then he registered Donghae was grasping his shoulders, with Baekhyun tried to pull Donghae away from Sehun. Kyungsoo started crying for his Papa’s safety in the background.

“We need to talk.” Ignoring Baekhyun’s failed attempt, Donghae spat hurriedly.

“We have nothing to talk about. We are over.” Sehun’s writhing in discomfort only tightened the grip on his shoulders, made him whimpered in pain.

“I never said we are over!” Hissing venomously, the elder started to drag Sehun out of the bakery, made the younger gasped in shocked, thrashing harder. Tears of frustration started falling down his cheeks when he could not fight Donghae’s strength with his condition. At the same time, Baekhyun’s fear heightened tenfold made him punching Donghae’s back repeatedly forcing him to let Sehun away.

“We are over once you raised you hand on me!” Sehun shouted in vexation when all his attempts seem futile. He was scared for the child his carrying’s safety. If Donghae could hit him before, he could do more with Sehun’s vulnerable condition to even protect himself. The thought itself made his whole body trembled heavily. Kyungsoo was sobbing against his leg.

“You are not the one to decide.” The smug reply the man really shattered Sehun’s heart into pieces. The implication behind the words were as obvious as the sun in the summer day, Sehun never has any options in his life, he need to follow the fate decided by the life itself or the person around him, where in this matter was Donghae.

The sorrow then replaced by full range made Sehun thumping Donghae’s chest repeatedly with his tight fist despite the restrained on his arms.

“Let me go, you bastard!” Sehun screamed his heart out. In a glimpse, he was harshly torn away from Donghae made him lost his footing, almost collapse against the floor below him, if not because of secure hands holding him up.

“Which part of let him go you don’t understand!?” Was the only familiar voice he heard before Donghae was sending down the floor, nose started bleeding. Only then Sehun realized Kai with balling fists, chest heaving up and down. Sehun almost could not recognize the fuming scowl he was wearing, as the Kai he knew always donning either charming smile or soft and attentive eyes.

“You better stay far away from him, or did you forgot about your restraining order?” Kai’s warning did made Doghae stood on his feet with wobbled legs, eyes never leave Sehun. His stares displayed concoction of emotions from disappointment, grief and regret made Sehun avert his gaze, pulling Kyungsoo who was balling his eyes out against his chest to calm the toddler down.

“I am part of your life before. Your heart would never get rid of me. Just remember that.” Were Donghae’s last words before wobbled his way out the bakery. Sehun let out a quivered breathe, never realized he had been holding for some time now.

After calming Baekhyun down, Kai brought both Sehun and Kyungsoo towards his car. Settling a sleeping Kyungsoo at the back seat, he then help Sehun clasping his seatbelt, considering Sehun’s state who looked so much still in shock.

The truth was, Donghae’s last statement did affecting Sehun’s emotion gravely. After all, he used to love Donghae with all his being, it was so unrealistic for him to suddenly push him away without a tad of love still lingering his heart. Just because he was living a temporary happiness right now, did not mean his heart would not reach for Donghae again once he was left alone, with no one to turn to.

That thought triggered beads of tears falling down his flushed cheeks. Noticing that, Kai pulled Sehun towards his chest, giving the younger his time to let out all the sorrow that had been trapping inside him like thorns crawling around since the earlier incident happened. 

And the younger, who used to let down his wall in front of the father of his daughter, cried his heart out, but not too loud to not waking Kyungsoo up from his sleep. He was so shaken by the aggression inflicted towards him by his used to be lover, and the truth that they had been came down to that was like millions of knives stabbing his heart into deformation. And he hated himself for being this weak.

With Kai’s soothing voice and comforting caresses against his back, his cries gradually turned to occasional sniffs after some time.

“Are you feeling better?” Kai asked when Sehun pulled himself away from the elder. The carrier only nods a few time and let Kai brushed away his tearstains on both of his cheeks with his bare palms.

When he raised his eyes, Kai’s gaze was so tender and full of affection made Sehun’s heart skip a bit. Truth to be told, Sehun never bare his emotions towards anyone else aside from Donghae – when he used to be the Donghae Sehun loved- but with Kai, the feeling of security the CEO emitted made Sehun’s confident in him to show his every emotions. He just felt so comfortable to do so because in Kai, he could only see the love been directed to him with safety engulfed his soul. And for whatever feeling he had started budding towards the father to be, Sehun suppressed it down, did not want his heart to be broken with the reality for the hundredth times. After all, he was only a carrier.

He tore away from the gaze.

“Baby has been so restless. She keeps on kicking. ” Sehun muttered hoarsely, in easing the heaviness pulling in his chest. His voice must awakened Kai from his own thought when he looked like has been snatched out from his dreamland, made the latter clearing his throat awkwardly.

“Oh, really? She must be so shocked.” Caressing the bump with love like he always did, Kai lowered down his face against it to plant his lips against the bump. “Daddy is sorry for not to be there early to protect you and your Papa. You are safe now so take a good rest, baby. Stop moving so much for now, ya. Let your Papa rest too.” His voice was so soft like the wind coaxing the maple leaves blowing away in fall, talking to his daughter as if she was there in front of his eyes, bouncing her calmly in his embrace. Sehun could not help himself but carding Kai’s soft locks against his slender fingers. He wished time would stop and let him indulged himself with the moment like this, but he knew better that he could not, they could never be like this forever.

Why Sehun’s heart constricted even more? 

The incident strangled Sehun for few days before he forgot about it almost completely. Kai was there to brighten his days and let the bitter memories slip away from his mind. Kyungsoo looked like he was doing the same, as he was too happy entertaining himself with his Uncle Kai and his baby sister.

To fully buried the bitter memory, Kai announced that they would celebrating Kyungsoo’s sixth birthday which was in two more days when the toddler told him that he never celebrate his birthday, aside from birthday gift he always received from his Uncle Baekkie. Kai also thought it was appropriate to combine the celebration with baby shower party, Kyungsoo was beyond exhilarate with the idea of celebrating his birthday together with his baby sister.

Much to Kai’s disappointment, Sehun did not seem to like the idea even a bit, but he did keep civil about it when their small groups of friends started arriving one by one that day. After all, Sehun would hate to shatter Kyungsoo and Kai’s excitement just because of his own unstable emotions.

For Sehun, Kyungsoo’s birthday was the day he would dreaded the most. All the pain gathered tenfold when he was reminded the day. Because it was one of those days the bitter memory flooding his thoughts, the root of his life tumbling down the pit of hell. The day he had snatched away from his bright and perfect future ahead. Celebrating the day was like celebrating his doom day.

And for the baby shower celebration, he just did not want to involve with this child’s life because for him, he had no right for it.

Luckily for him, their guest of the evening was only his close friends where he and Kyungsoo would comfortable to be with. He was grateful for Kai’s consideration for preferring the intimate gathering.

“Are you okay now?” Was Baekhyun’s first question when Sehun was in his embrace at the door, behind him was Chanyeol, changing pleasantries with Kai after Baekhyun introducing them to each other. Hana’s happy shrieked could be heard combining with Kyungsoo’s, running towards the garden, where the party would take place. 

“Better.” Sehun simply said before turning towards Chanyeol who engulfed him in his brotherly hug. “Looks like baby girl is healthy.” Chanyeol said while caressing Sehun’s swollen tummy.

“She is.” Answering his son’s doctor, Sehun force a smile on his lips, trying to be as welcoming as he could be, but never reach his eyes.

“And I hope you are in good hands too.” Chanyeol’s words laced with thousands of meaning which Sehun could not decipher what was, but he turned his gaze towards Kai who was smiling at him tenderly. Again, his stomach was doing summersault where dampened Sehun’s mood further. He did not want to recognize the familiar feelings.

“I am.” He answered eventually.

The Park’s family was their first guests. They were seated on the spread out blanket in the middle of the garden while Kai and Chanyeol started the fire for their BBQ. Kyungsoo was busy gushing over his new roller shoes that the Parks gave him as his birthday present, while Sehun’s eyes could not stray away from a cute automatic baby cradle swing in pink which has been brought by them for their baby girl. He could imagine his baby inside the cradle, smiling and chuckling while Kai would coo at her, but he would never had neither chance nor option to witness the scene.

But much to his dismay, he let his thought wandered further, what if he would be beside Kai leaning against his side, admiring the father and daughter lovely interaction, with so much affection in his eyes. Then, Kyungsoo would join them, grumbling about the lack of attention for him. But much to their amusement, he was the one who repeatedly smooching his baby sister, until the younger would whimper of suffocation. And the baby would cry, seeking comfort from Sehun. And Sehun without further a do, would bring his daughter to his chest and calming the Princess with his soothing hums, because he would never let his little girl cry without smothering her with his love.

Sehun must be so deep in his wishful dream as he could not hear the ring of bell, indicating their next and the last guest of the day, Jumyeon’s little family with big boxes of present for Kyungsoo and his little Princess.

“Hello Sehun.” Jumyeon’s voice snatched Sehun’s attention from his reverie. Gazing up, he could see the doctor with his Chinese husband beside him, together with their two adorable daughters.

“Hello.” When he tried to stand from his sitting, Jumyeon reprimand him and settled beside him instead, helping his husband to sit along while their daughters already running to play with other two toddlers. Seemed like they already knew Hanna by their tight group hug, leaving Kyungsoo awkwardly looked at the two strangers. But they did not let him stray alone for so long, as they decided to start playing together.

Bowing down a little, Sehun and Jumyeon’s husband, Yixing, exchanging their pleasantries, albeit Sehun’s discomfort with stranger. 

“I’m glad to finally see you in person. Jumyeon and Kai did tell me a lot about you.” Yixing’s dimple smiles did ease Sehun’s turbulence of emotion a little, he looked strangely nice and pleasant to be with.

“I hope they are all good things. And I did not know you are close to Kai.” Sehun muttered shyly, trying to sound as friendly as he could be. He did not want to create a bad impression towards Kai’s friends.

“Oh, we are not that close but he used to be my roommate who I could not get rid of, even I desperately want to.” By the mischief lacing the voice, Sehun the noticed, they probably bestfriends to each other.

“Hey.” Came Kai’s berates in the background. But Yixing just ignore him.

“Congratulations for the baby girl. And I hope she would be as beautiful you. I could not face another Kai in my life.” The Chinese carrier jokingly shuddered, but lips still hinting a witty smile.

Sehun smiled sincerely for the first time that day.

“Don’t you think you are being too harsh on me?” Kai was mocking hurt, lips in full pouting mode. Sehun never see this side of Kai before, and he found it adorable. Confirmed, there were truly bestfriends.

“Never.” Yixing answered wittily. But then continue again “Soojung did not joining us?”

Even was back facing him, Sehun could hear a heavy sigh leaving Kai before answering “She got last minute meeting for her next project.”

“I always almost forgot you are already married. She is always busy I almost could not remember her face.” Jumyeon who was at his husband’s side nudge him in warning, scared if the younger might hurt Kai’s feelings without intention.

“You are exaggerating.” Luckily there was no remorse in Kai’s voice, the tone was the same as earlier, still light hearted tease.

“Yes, I am. Luckily this baby will be the sunshine of your lonely life.” Yixing smile brightly at Sehun, playfully stroking Sehun’s bump, making the younger return the same.

Chuckling, Kai hurried towards Baekhyun who just emerged from the house and took a bowl of cocktail from him before placing it on the food table at the corner.

Taking his seat beside Sehun, he caressed the baby bump like he would always do whenever his eyes land on it “Yes, she would after this. But even now I already have Kyungsoo as my little buddy.” He proudly said. 

Smirking knowingly, Yixing schooled his face for not showing too much of his thought “Good for you. So, where is this little birthday boy we are celebrating today?”

That was how Kyungsoo was chuckling and shrieking with joy, the happiest Sehun had seen him all his life. Sehun loathed the fact that he would never able to provide the same happiness to his own son. He could not even ensure Kyungsoo’s safety, let alone this love and affection bustling around the younger, luxurious life like this some more.

Baekhyun was talking tentatively with Yixing, occasionally include Sehun in their conversation. They seemed closed to each other, must be the fact that their husbands were bestfriends. The scenery unfold in front of his was so perfect, so surreal, a perfect bonding time between friends and their family, the only odd and unfit one here was only Sehun.

After rounds of exciting games between the toddlers but also joined by the elders who were kids at heart, Kyungsoo came running towards him with fit of giggles, collapsing against Sehun’s laps but still cautious of his his Papa’s bump. With chest heaving with exhilaration, beautiful smiles never leaving his face, Sehun then heard Kyungsoo’s whispers with his lively orbs staring straight towards Sehun’s.

“I love it here Papa. Let live here forever and ever.”

Sehun had tried, trying too hard to compress the crawling thorns engulfing his heart, rupturing it little by little. For the sake of his son, he tried stay there, celebrating his birthday for the first time, although merely exist in the middle of laughter and blissful feelings around him. But he failed. Kyungsoo’s confession was suffocating him. He was drowning with misery little by little with the fact that he could not meet Kyungsoo’s request, he had failed him. Kyungsoo was asking too much.

Scrambling onto his feet in hurry, the laughter died instantly and the attention shifted towards him in curiousity.

“Where are you going?” Kai was the one who came beside him, helping him to stable himself with the rush of motion.

“My room.” He answered flatly. Kai’s soft smile turned into frown merely a moment in between.

“But Kyungsoo still not blowing candle and cutting cake yet.”

“I’m not feeling well.” He knew he sounded so lame, but he needed to have the time by himself. He could not stay longer, or he would broke down in front of these people, spoiling his son’s special day.

Kai wanted to protest futher, but Jumyeon beat him into it “Let him rest.”

Sighing, Kai exclaimed defeat. Among all, he should be the one who would understand Sehun the most. He must be feeling uncomfortable just sitting there on the hard ground when he should lie down on his bed to rest his spine. Kai ashamed of himself for almost reprimand Sehun without thinking of the younger’s situation.

“Let me help you.” He softly pulled Sehun to lean against him, but the younger hastily flinched back distancing himself from Kai, as if Kai’s touch burnt him alive. 

“It is okay. I can walk by myself. Enjoy yourself.” The voice was too strained for Kai’s liking. Kai smelled something was not right like a hot breeze in the middle of snow fall. But he did not want to press the younger harder and made him anxious in front of his friends. Thus, he let Sehun go. 

“Papa…” Kyungsoo called for his father, eyes full of hope. It was either Sehun could not catch the call or he totally ignored it when he only strutted into the house without batting an eye towards his son.

That was enough to make the previous delighted happenings turned dull for the whole evening.

The guest could guess the awkward event unfold earlier. They tried to cheer the boy up, but they also could do so much. The party has been cut short with only the necessary celebration. At 8 in the evening, they started clearing up and bidding each other good bye.

Kai was ready to check on Sehun after locking the main door when he found Kyungsoo with his little head in his knee on the stairs.

Sighing heavily, he took a seat beside the little body, softly stroking Kyungsoo’s dark locks. “Hey buddy, are you okay?”

Pulling his head away from his knees, Kyungsoo’s big orbs staring dully against Kai’s “I am the happiest today. Thank you.”

Kai smiled softly at the innocent appreciation. Sehun did raised Kyungsoo well with full manners, although both of them still at the tender age. “You’re welcome. Let me make you happy more after this, okay?”

Kyungsoo looked eager with the idea. But some thought came cross his little head made his bright face turned solemn again.

“But Papa don’t like it if I am happy.”

It did broke Kai’s heart. Kyungsoo was so young to feel this kind of emotion, he should not be thinking his own father was loathing him.

Pulling the toddler towards him, he let Kyungsoo rest his head against his chest. “Don’t say that. He just not feeling well because of your little sister.”

“I can feel that. He never loves me.” There was a little sob at the end. The child must be containing it for so long for him to let his tears ran free on his chubby cheeks. Kai’s heart went to Sehun. He must be broken if he heard the words uttered by his own son.

“He loves you. He just don’t know how to show it.” Kai coaxed with soothing caresses against Kyungsoo’s back, intentionally to calm the younger.

Emerging from Kai’s chest, Kyungsoo looked at Kai with his teary eyes. Kai would coo at his red cheeks and nose if only they were not in this serious conversation. Kid his age should not be in this deep conversation. They should enjoy their life being loved and being angel for their parents to the fullest. “I don’t think so though. But I am the happiest when I’m with you. More than when I with my own father.”

Kyungsoo indulged himself when Kai caressed his cheeks to remove his tear stains. “I’m glad. But let us be happy together with your Papa after this okay.” Nodding happily, Kyungsoo smiled lovingly at Kai. He then brought both Kai’s hands into his tiny ones. Envying the large palms against his while Kai just let him stroking his knuckles, venturing his calloused fingers against his soft one.

“I never say this to anyone before because I scared if it will make Papa sad. But I always wish for one day, my Daddy would come to me and will love me.” Kai’s chest turned heavy with Kyungsoo’s soft whispers. It may be deciphered as an innocent dream of a boy which only growing up with his single father, but in reality it was a fantasy was too much to be asked if it was truly impossible to achieve.

Inhaling haggard breathe, Kai thought this was the suitable time he should ask, willing to venture further into this new comers of his life “Do you know where is your other father?”

“I never asked.” Kai’s heart broke. 

Cradling Kyungsoo’s face into his, he tenderly whispered “It is okay to not have other father. Your Papa loves you, your uncles earlier are loving you, can’t you see? You are an adorable kid to not fall in love with. And I love you like my own son, you know. Truth to be told, I never been so happy as I am when you come to my life. You are like a new ray of sunshine brightening my dull days. That is why I want to protect and care for you. So let me, please.”

Before this, he would just accepting whatever was given to him. Because he thought he was being grateful. Never once the idea of owning a child, to be called as his own came across his mind. But fate brought Sehun and Kyungsoo to him. And he desperately wished they were his to be embraced and showered with his love.

“Can’t you be my Daddy instead?” Kai’s heart stopped beating.

His hands against Kyungsoo’s cheeks were shaking vigorously. His fate was about to be turned 360 degree. “Do you want to?” He could feel his own eyes were pooling with tears, mirroring Kyungsoo’s.

“So much, Daddy.” In a second, Kyungsoo lurched himself towards Kai’s embrace, where the elder was most welcoming, tightening his hold. “This is the best birthday gift I would receive all my life, Daddy.” This also was the best gift Kai would ever receive all his life, aside from his little miracle in Sehun’s womb.

“What are you doing?” That was when they noticed another presence at the top of the stairs. Sehun’s chest was heaving, eyes red and fiery with rage.

Kai pulled Kyungsoo to stand beside him, facing the fuming carrier. He could feel Kyungsoo’s little hand turned cold, with slight quiver of horror, thus Kai squeezed it to calm the toddler.

“Who give your right to call him like that?” The question seething through Sehun’s gritted teeth, directed to Kyungsoo. The boy trembled further.

“I give the right for him to call me Daddy.” Kai answered calmly on behalf of Kyungsoo. He did not to anger Sehun further but also avoiding pressure on Kyungsoo.

Sehun’s menacing gaze then sharply flicked towards him. “And who give you the right to let my son call you that?”

“Sehun, calm down please. Let talk this out.” He did not see any wrong in fulfilling Kyungsoo’s dreams, but he forgot how reserved Sehun was. They could discuss this civilly. But not with how stressed Sehun looked. And Kai did not like it even a bit. 

“We are not a charity case for you to go this far. What are you? A saint? And you wished me to believe that?” Sehun may sound venomous, but again Kai knew him better. This was his coping mechanism as Kai had offended him. Deciding his son’s future which he had been raised all by himself did poke Sehun’s ego. And Kai was at fault, he knew it. Thus, he needed to amend his mistake. But before Kai would sooth Sehun’s further, Kyungsoo cried with sobs filling his every words.

“I never hope to have another father. But you never love me. I just want a father who would love me. Who will look at my way when I called for him. Who will at least smiling at me when I said I love him. And you have done none of it. If you hate me that much, why don’t you just kill me when I was little? Or don’t even give birth to me? I hate to even call you my Papa!”

Sehun could never imagine his son would scream into his face. Let alone spatting every grievances he had been feeling this whole time, laying it all down one by one like strokes of paint on white canvas. The words ‘hate’ what kill him the most.

“Sehun…”

He could not hear Kai’s call for him when he turned around shakily, walking towards his room. His ears was deafening by Kyungsoo’s words. At least he now knew how his son saw him as. And that what he always wanted his son to feel about him. No love for his own son he was carrying for 9 months and was raising alone for six years.

The truth was, he had heard all the conversation between Kai and Kyungsoo.

But why the word ‘hate’ was ringing inside his head, made him collapse against his door when he shut it.

He felt so suffocated. He felt like millions of knives cruelly stabbing his heart repeatedly. Thumping his fist against his chest repeatedly, Sehun still could feel the ache. Why was there so much pain he needed to feel. Was the torture he was feeling for seven years was not enough? What sin he had been done in his past life for him to experience this? Why his fate was loathing him so much? Even his own son was hating on him.

Cupping his palms on his lips, Sehun let out all the agony he had been swallowing all these seven years. He never felt so alone as he was feeling right now. Even screaming against his palms could not ease the emptiness he felt inside. Thus, he continued bawling his heart out, with Kyungsoo’s words repeatedly playing inside his head, like a melody chanting his grief inside, until he unconsciously collapse against the cold floor.

He woke up in the middle of the night, when his whole body was throbbing all over. The cold floor almost broke his spine into two while his bump almost ruptured his ribcage. And his baby was restless. 

Caressing his tummy to calm his baby, Sehun stood up with much difficulties. The clock on the wall struck towards two in the morning.

When the previous event reminisce at the back of his mind, Sehun turned numb.

He suddenly crashed with the feeling of missing his son so much that he almost cry again. He needed to hold Kyungsoo into his arms that instant, humming him into sleep. Calmed him down and showed him the love he had always craved for. Thus Sehun made his way out of his room towards Kyungsoo’s which was opposite of him.

Kyungsoo’s door was ajar and the light was still on, that when he caught the glimpse through the small opening.

His son was crawling on the floor, chest heaving, struggling to breath with his mouth open, one hand on his chest while the other reaching for Sehun from afar, teary eyes never leaving father’s.

Sehun’s whole world stopped altogether. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> X
> 
> Thank you for leaving kudos.
> 
> Let me know what do you think of this chapter trough the comment's box below.  
> There will be like two or three chapters left.  
> I would update this story on every weekend considering I started working again.


	7. SEVEN

Sehun forgot how to think or aware of his surroundings, he did however vividly remember his cries calling for his son before Kai did something. He did not know what he did, but the sirens of ambulance did deafening his ears and he was currently quaking heavily in his seat, in front of the ICU, staring into nothingness. The only functioning system in his body currently only his mind, which was in havoc. From the memories of holding Kyungsooo in his arms for the first time as a baby with combination of devastation and fondness. The disgust crawling heavily clenching his heart as Kyungsoo growing up and looking more and more like his other father, the tiny pinch of love manage to suppress down the feelings however. The sorrow on Kyungsoo’s face never fail to haunt him at night whenever he denied the boy’s affection. His heart was reaching for his flesh and blood, but the other part of him just could not accept where Kyungsoo came from and what his mere existence had done to Sehun’s life. The idea of Kyungsoo hating on him was the last words of the toddler towards his own father rip Sehun;s heart apart. He would be living in wreckage if Kyungsoo decided to give up of his life now.

The thought resulted in Sehun’s loud cries. He did not care where he was or who was watching him, he wailed like a child had been refused his favorite toy. He needed to let all his pent up devastation of 7 years out from his chest, or he would die of suffocation. He felt like dying. 

Scooting closer towards his carrier, Kai let the younger weeping his sorrow away against his chest. Kyungsoo’s pale bordering to bluish complexion, gasping for breath when he had found him earlier greatly affecting his sanity, thousands of question had been bugging his brain, overworking throughout the journey to the hospital. But Sehun is Kyungsoo’s carrier father, he must been shaken beyond believe. Thus, Kai just let him be, only caressing the younger’s back to ease his sobbing.

It had been almost three hours, and there was no sign of the door of the ICU would be opened anytime soon. Sehun’s cries had gradually decreased into soft sniffing, leaning heavily against Kai’s chest, exhausted.

“I was raped.” Sehun’s soft whispers almost passed Kai’s hearing, but the gravity of the sentence was impossible to be unheard of. Kai could feel his stomach doing summersaulting and bitter bile started to rouse in his throat with the sudden revelation. He almost threw up.

His hold on Sehun’s shoulder tightening, as an attempt to stop the younger if he was not ready enough to unfold the bitter memories.

But, instead of stopping, Sehun took a haggard breath before continuing again “I just came back from my evening class when I have been assaulted by a drunk stranger. I only 17 while the assaulter carried a big build with a dead weight, I did everything in my might to stop him, but failed miserably. I hate how weak I am at that time.”

“It is three months away from my entrance exam did the doctor was shooting me dead by announcing that I was three months pregnant. I thought I would just forgetting the incident and erase it completely after testing in court against the assaulter. But the fate was cruel enough to let a trace been left permanently inside me.” Sehun was snorting, but there was no humour in his voice. Kai was dreading the next sentence. With stoic face, Sehun started again. “I remember almost killing myself by swallowing bunch of abortion pills every day, draining in my physical and emotional pain alone because I did not have the heart to tell my parents I indeed was carrying my assaulter’s child. Getting raped itself already ashamed them enough. But, by the next appointment with my doctor, instead of the news of the disgusting seed in my womb have dead and my swollen tummy just because of my damaged womb, I listened to a faint sound of a growing heartbeat instead. I hate it the most, I feel like thrusting something into my womb and killed the baby with my bare hands.” His voice was quivering, together with his fingers in Kai’s hold. Kai knew how much pain the mere memories for Sehun, but the younger willingly opened up the old wound for Kai. And Kai would try to listen to it without the feelings of want to kill someone.

“But the other part of myself was glad, my own flesh and blood was still thriving to live. It was so strong fighting for its life when his own carrier was trying so hard in getting rid of it. If he could be that strong willed when it was just a fetus, then I would too. Why need to kill the innocent life and refusing its right to live when it had done its best to fight for it. Thus, I decided I would keep the baby and would find good adoptive parents for it. It was the least I could do as a father after almost killing it.”

Kai knew, after all Sehun had a big heart. No one would willingly keep an unwanted baby, a result of being forced into some more, and at the tender age of 17 years old. Albeit being a young and innocent teenager, Sehun was already mature enough more than any adult.

“My parents, beyond devastated, called me stupid by destroying my life and kicked me out of the house I used to call a home. Donghae, the then loving boyfriend of mine, willingly took me in as I had promised him I would give the child away. I have been refused from taking my entrance exam with my swollen tummy and unpaid fee. I was beyond devastated. I blamed it on the baby’s existence.”

“The next months of carrying took me into a great emotional turbulence. I would find attachment towards the baby, but still hating on it of my broken dreams. When I heard Kyungsoo’s first cry, and accidently looking at his big beautiful eyes, I could not let him go.” Kai knew it, it was a thing that Sehun would do, carving a thankful smile on his lips. Pulling the younger much closer, Kai planted his lips on Sehun dark locks, as if congratulating him of doing the best thing in his life.

Sehun, as if unnerved by the action, continued again. “Donghae was enraged by that and his attitude started to change. Three years after, I met Chanyeol when he had confirmed there was a deformity in Kyungsoo’s lung when he suddenly had trouble in breathing and collapse when he was running with excitement, playing with his friends. And the deformation has been confirmed was affected by my intake of abortion pills. Chanyeol give him four more years to live if he depends on medicine. What would you feel if you have been informed by the doctor, basically, you did success in killing your own son. Instead of killing him when he could not feel hurt and sudden, I did kill him slowly and steadily, with much torture before he would feel it would be too much and he could not take it anymore. I almost killed myself that night. But I could not, I have a child to take care of. I could not torture him more by living on his own.” Sehun finally let out a sob. He weep again with Kai comforting him with hush whispers. The dreading feeling Sehun had feel at that time crawling again, with the same amount of torture and pain, raking his heart to bleed.

“Chanyeol found us a specialist who could amend the deformation, but of course it come with a large sum of money. I did try, more than a year, working countless jobs, saving every penny, starving ourselves in between to safe the money. But I barely afford Kyungsoo’s daily medicine. Then, Chanyeol suggest this surrogacy as his bestfriend, Jumyeon was experienced in the field and could take care of me. I agreed without thinking twice.” 

Now Kai knew the reason. Before knowing Sehun, he did have a judgmental thought of whoever the person agreed on carrying his child because of money. For him, it was morally wrong to lend your body and give away your child with half of your blood to strangers just because the exchange that came with that. But it absolutely changed once he met Sehun. Whatever the reason behind the transaction, Sehun must have the dire one. And Kai was right. The urge to hold the younger all his life, give him security and showered him with love flooding Kai’s thought. Sehun was too pure for this cruel world. And Kai did fall of the charms. 

“But then again, what would you feel, when the child you were carrying for nine months, growing up to look more and more like his other father. It was like living while facing your own nightmares everyday. I would feel disgusted, enraged looking at that face. But deep down could not help to feel the affection and the urge to protect the innocent soul because after all, he is my own son. Thus, I decided to avoid looking at him, concealing my feelings to nothing. It is easier that way. But I did not realized, when I was trying hard to take care of my feelings and emotions, I was hurting him in the progress. And now he is hating him instead. What if he die? And he hates me. I would die. I would die, Kai.” Sehun was ranting and hypervalenting. After all, his son was in the middle of fighting his death. How broken Sehun was now only proved he indeed loving Kyungsoo all along. But the trauma was haunting him. He had every reason to act how he did towards his son, Kai understood it now. He only wanted to embrace both father and son and let them continue loving each other without any nightmares shadowing them. He hoped the least he could do was to provide that comfort for both of them.

“Shhh. Shhh. He will be okay, he is a strong kid remember? He did survive his death once, he would again today.”

“I hope he will not loath me enough to just leave me here alone.”

“He loves you so much.”

Sehun hoped so. The words managed to calm him down for several hours coming.

The ICU door did open revealing an exhausted and troubled face Chanyeol few hours later. Sehun almost crashed against him by the eager ran towards the doctor, praying for at least an announcement that his son was still alive. 

And Kyungsoo was and always be a strong boy fighting against the last sliver thread of life. A relief sigh left both Sehun and Kai. The heavy bricks hovering above them had been released by the news.

The satisfaction though did not last long before Chanyeol continued “However, he could not survive for another more than two days if we did not operate his lung immediately. We need the operation as soon as possible.”

The graveness in Chanyeol’s every words resulting in Sehun’s leg turned jelly made him fall, crouching down with pathetic wail. He felt helpless beyond belief. Why the fate had been so cruel towards him.

“I don’t have the money with me now.” He would only get his remaining payments after giving birth which in nest two months. How would he found that large sum of money now. His broken and teary eyes staring at Chanyeol vulnerably. Sehun would rarely showing his fragile side, but when he did showed one, it meant he had been out of power, drowning in deep black see without even a ray of light. Pitch black. Darkest of it all. Sehun bawled harder.

Crouching down next to his carrier, Kai brought Sehun’s shoulder to face him, eyes boring deeply against the red and teary orbs. There was no light in that orbs. Empty. Wiping out Sehun’s tears, Kai whispered softly for the younger “Sehun, hey. Look at me here. I will pay all the cost of the operation. I will let you have the payment now.”

Sehun’s quivering eyes looked at Kai with hope, as if Kai was an angel coming from the heaven for granting Sehun’s every wishes.

“But with one condition.” “Let me adopt Kyungsoo officially.”

The operation went well. After two weeks of various doctors monitoring Kyungsoo’s adaptation towards the operation, he had been discharged.

Things changed after that.

Sehun could not help himself but to shower Kyungsoo with his much needed love. And Kyungsoo was beyond happy by the changes. Kai had officially adopting Kyungsoo under his name much for Kyungsoo happiness. Finally, he had his own Daddy.

For Kai, he had been struggling with his own feelings, dreading the day Sehun been scheduled of giving birth. He was extremely excited to see his daughter. However, he did not want to let the younger go away from his life. He needed Sehun. Hence the selfish request of officially adopting Kyungsoo. He loved Kyungsoo and he loved Sehun. With officially adopting Kyungsoo, he believed Sehun would always be with them, witnessing both of their children growing up together with much love from all of them. He showered them with love and protection as he had always vowed to give, much to his relieve, Sehun and Kyungsoo reciprocate with the same amount. During his last few days of carrying, Sehun would not shy in seeking and clinging for Kai’s attention and love. As if he could not live without one. Thus, Kai believe Sehun had been feeling the same emotional attachment as he was, but afraid to talk it out loud considering their situation.

But, when he never been wrong in making decision, he had been so wrong with this one.

Once Sehun’s water had broke that night, Kai was at Sehun’s side throughout the process, holding Sehun’s hands tight, whispering comfort words like a beloved lover. He had witnessed the struggle Sehun need to pull through just to give birth to their miracle. Every frown, every cry of pain, and every tears Sehun had let out would always been engraving in Kai’s heart. Kai had never been so thankful in his life, but at the moment. No amount of money could be compared to Sehun’s sacrificed.

Once the cry could be heard and Kai had been given the chance to hold his baby daughter, he did unconsciously cry with happiness. He suddenly felt his life was so complete and whole. He never did imagine the feelings, experiencing it first hand was beyond exhilarating for him.

When he turned to Sehun with a bright smile on his face to show Sehun their baby daughter in his arms, Sehun had his back towards Kai.

“Sehun, look at our baby. She is very beautiful.”

“I don’t want to see her.” Came the whispery answer,

Kai thought his heart had been broken into pieces, broken beyond repair at the moment by the refusal, but he had been always wrong.

Few hours later, when he wanted to visit Sehun in his room, the numbing feelings and emptiness took away his very soul, wiping out all of his happiness that day when he found Sehun’s empty room and a note.

**_“Take care of them._ **

**_Don’t look for me._ **

**_For once in my life, let me fly.”_ **

Kai stared blankly at the piece of paper.

He was always wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> X
> 
> Thank you for leaving kudos!
> 
> Comment you thought of this chapter


	8. EIGHT

Inhaling a large lump of air, Baekhyun knocked on the door while balancing a bowl of hot chicken soup in his hand. As usual, he got no answer, but he still need to indicate his presence to the person behind the close door for the sake of his privacy.

Allowing himself inside the room, Baekhyun sighed at the usual sight of Sehun’s hunching back, laying lifelessly on the bed of his guest room, last night’s sandwich left dried on their own, giving no sign of being touched.

Placing the bowl on the bedside table, joining the plate of untouched sandwich, Baekhyun then caressed Sehun’s forehead to feel his temperature. If not for the high temperature, Sehun’s pale complexion and sunken cheeks were indication Sehun was as good as dead.

“Did you even eat your medicine?”

No answer. Baekhyun used to this already. He knew Sehun was not sleeping and wide awake by the constant fluttering of his eyelids.

Removing strands of Sehun’s silky dark hairs curtaining his beautiful eyelashes, Baekhyun’s gaze turned misty with heavy heart. “Why are you doing this to yourself? I called Kai to ask about Kyungsoo, he has not stop crying looking for you for five days Sehun. Let’s go back to them, okay?”

Baekhyun still remember how Kai was dashing into his bakery like a mad man, eyes quivering and unfocused with crying Kyungsoo tightly in his arms, asking for Sehun in desperation.

Baekhyun also remembered how numb his tongue felt when he blatantly lying and crashing their hopes by saying he did not know where Sehun was. When the truth was he and Chanyeol found Sehun was drench and quivering in front of their door the night before. The devastation looks in Kai’s eyes still haunting him to these days. The least he could do was to coax Sehun and return the boy his newfound family.

“I have no use to them anymore.” Sehun whispered hoarsely.

That broke Baekhyun’s heart. Why could not Sehun see how precious he was to all the people around him? And he believed the boy has meant more than he thought for Kai. Baekhyun could not say what but their bond was more than the business relationship between them. 

“How could you say so. What about Kyungsoo? Poor that boy. He never been far away from him before. Why are you torturing him like that?”

With quivering lips, Sehun took a shaky breath “He is happy there. They could take a good care of him better than I ever did before. He would slowly but eventually forgetting me.”

“You have no trust for your own son, have you?” Baekhyun did not know whether Sehun was trying to persuade him or himself. But he believe they both did not even believe that. “What about your little girl? Do you not have even a little pinch of love towards her? You have been carrying her for nine months Sehun, I am a father myself, I know how you would feel. Poor her, the least she deserves is at least a little while of your warmth. You did not even hold her.”

Sehun took a while to reply. By the way his trembled breathing while swallowing large lump in his throat and beads of tears rolling down his temple, Baekhyun knew Sehun was hurting so bad.

“I was paid to carry her. She is not mine.”

The words itself cut deeper than it may sound. Sniffing his own tears, the older of the two softly caressed Sehun’s back, as an attempt to sooth the agony inside the frail body. As tough and unbothered he may sound, Sehun was drowning in misery.

“Let us postpone your flight for Japan tomorrow. I will let my brother know. You need to recover from the childbirth at least in a month, Sehun. You are not even healthy for a long journey, let alone to be in a foreign country.” And although Sehun would be in a good hand, which is Baekhyun’s little brother, but he would still be worried sick as he could not see how the younger would be doing in a flesh.

“I will be fine. I could no longer staying here. It hurts.” Sehun’s broken voice at the end was not helping Baekhyun containing his emotion anymore. He was not willing to broke down in front of the younger, thus taking his step towards the door.

“If that is what you want. I just don’t want you regretting all of these later. Please eat and have some energy. I hate looking at you like this.”

Baekhyun said before closing the door behind him.

When Sehun heard the click of the door, he opened his dampened eyes. His quivering lips could no longer suppressed his sobs. Thus, he let out his heart wrenching cry like the past five days.

Sehun could no longer damaging himself more. The feelings that had been budding in his heart towards Kai was no other than poisonous potion that would kill him soon. He could not just wait and voluntarily letting himself been strangled to slow and painful death when he knew the feelings would only be the reason of his misery.

And Kyungsoo, he could no longer hurting both of them. Kyungsoo would never safe and happy if he was with his own father. For Sehun, he was lacking everything as a father to fulfill Kyungsoo’s every wished. And he believed Kai would fill in every little space he had left for him in his son. And he also believed, staying away from his son would finally curing the wound he had been living in these seven years. He would have all the space to patch every slice of cuts in his heart and killing the dark shadows that has been following him these past seven years.

Then he thought about the day he had left his past life behind, when he had requested the nurse to visit his daughter for the first and the last time.

He could still feel how warm and tight the little fingers had been enclosing his forefinger. And how the little twitch of smile of the small pouty lips when he had introduced himself as her father. Or how the little fingers tighten and the frowns on the little forehead when he sobbed his goodbye. His princess indeed was beautiful. He could not erasing the image of the beautiful angel that has been carved permanently at the back of his mind.

That made him sobbed harder.

He believed he was free to fly now. But why the only feeling he had been felts these past days without Kai and his children was like an empty shell repeatedly been crashed by a long high sea wave in the middle of the ocean.

He missed them so bad. The thunderstorm of emotions keep on stringing his wish to fly high. He did not know if the decision he made was on the right lane anymore.

“The babies already sleeping?” Soojung’s soft whispers snatched Kai’s attention from admiring his sleeping children. He had placed them side by side as they were throwing tantrum at the same time previously until exhaustion took over them. They were his life now, despite the emotional turmoil he had been feeling following Sehun’s disappearance. How hard it was, he needed to keep living for them. Although his sanity almost slipped away from his grasp.

Kyungsoo was crying for his Papa as they were never been separated before. And their princess was searching for the warmth she used to be living with these pass nine months. Kai had been cornered to the dead end. Not only for the sake of his children, he also need to calm his thundering heart by searching for Sehun. He did not know much about the latter’s previous life but he tried his best, even confronting Donghae, but he did look clueless about it. Kai could not even sleep properly at night because the children and his anxiousness. What if Sehun was in danger and he needed Kai? What if he had been kidnapped and been forced like before. It was a night mare that haunting Kai every nights. And Kai not stop thinking about him.

“They fall asleep few minutes ago. Too exhausted maybe. Nadine’s temperature is high again today, so I took her to the Doctor earlier. You just arrived?” Kai moved away from his children on his bed. He did not want to wake them all up again, or the hell would break loose again. Soojung only followed him outside the bedroom.

Kai’s gaze fall on his watch on his left wrist which stroke ten past 3 in the morning, too late for someone to just come back from work, but not for Soojung.

“Yeah. We had last minute change of plan for the show tomorrow.” Kai nodded absentmindedly, already understand how perfectionist Soojung would always be. Sighing tiredly, Soojung scratch her head with guilt. “I’m sorry I could not help you much during this critical time.”

“It is okay. I understand you love your job more.” He may sound harsh, but Soojung let it slip. Kai was just exhausted.

“Can we talk?” Soojung promptly asked, nervousness all over her face. A foreign sight of a confident woman she would always be.

However, Kai was dead tired to entertain any of that. He would collapse anytime soon. “Could not this talk been postponed to tomorrow?”

“I afraid I need to go to work early tomorrow.”

So, Kai have no choice than to stay awake for another hour and have this whatever talk they would have. “Ah, I see. So what is it you want to talk about?”

“Let me make us some coffee.” Having no other choice as he really need coffee to set up his brain again, Kai just let Soojung went to the kitchen while he took his sit on the coach in their living room.

“Any update about Sehun?”

Kai almost drift to sleep when Soojung’s voice woke him up again.

Sighing, Kai took a mug full of warm coffee been offered to him. “I had stop looking for him since two days ago.”

“Oh, why?” Shocked was palpable on Soojung’s face while she too her seat in front of her husband. She had been witnessing the first hand how crazy Kai was looking for Sehun here and there, above and below, like searching for the only source of light in his life. The sudden news truly was uncalled for.

Sipping the coffee with care, Kai then took his time by staring vacantly at the hot steams dancing their ways around the mouth of the mug he was holding. They were haywire without path, have no exact destination like how he was feeling at the moment.

“His note obviously stating that we should not looking for him.” He then took a deep breath to calm himself. “I just come to realize, there is no use in looking for someone who do not want to be found. Even they were only few feet beside us, they would choose to hide behind. Then we would never found them again.” He had given up. But he never realized talking about it out loud hurt more than encaging the thought to kill his heart slowly. “So I decided to just focus on the kids. They need my attention more.” His voice broke at the end.

Soojung took Kai’s hands in hers, caressing them soothingly. “You look miserable Kai. I’m sorry I could not be with you and the kids. But, this situation make me realized something.”

“What?” Shifting his gaze from their intertwined fingers towards Soojung’s limpid eyes, Kai stared at her questioningly.

“I’m not ready for this responsibility.”

Removing is hands from Soojung’s, Kai pressed the foot of his palms on his throbbing eyes. He did not know what to feel with the sudden confession. “Don’t you think it was a bit late to realize it?” He asked eventually. Disappointment written all over his exhausted face. 

Soojung held her chin up, sharp gaze piercing against Kai’s. “I used to think a child would fill the large hole in our marriage. But how will the hole be fixed if we ourselves could not even look at each other as a husband and wife.”

Soojung’s stare and the intensity of her words made Kai cowering, gaze fall on his laps. Because she was all the way saying the truth, nothing but the truth.

“I know it Kai and I know you realized it too. We are living this fake life as husband and wife believing we could at least live together as friends and we have been on that page for eight freaking years already and we could not even love each other as a lover. How long we need to chain ourselves like this?”

“Is this marriage has been shackling you too much? Or did you find someone you love as a lover already?” Kai asked calmly, he neither showed any resentment nor dejection. And it only proving what kind of relationship they were striving with all these years.

Snifing, Soojung wiped away tears that had started to pool in her eyes. “If I say yes, then what would you do?” Her voice showed no other than a challenge.

Looking at Soojung’s reddened and determined eyes, Kai knew his own also was in no better condition.

This time, he was the one who took Soojung’s hands into his and staring at their wedding rings lifelessly. Eight years back, when he had slipped the ring into Soojung’s slender finger on the altar, he had vowed himself to try loving Soojung and make her happy, although he could not love her more than just as a friend. Because he had believe, like the other decisions that has been fixed for him, marrying Soojung and living a loveless life as a partner was also one of his fates. He had tried showering her with love, as much as his heart willing to and let her be happy on her own way. But, if she still thought he was lacking all over, then he could do nothing to force her. Looking at his wife earnestly, he confidently said “I will let you go if that will make you happy.”

A sad smile carved on Soojung’s lips. That kind of smile did not suit her even a bit. Kai wanted to comfort her, but even himself was not in a better state. Tightening their hold, she then calmly said. “See, that is so easy for you to let me go without even asking for more legit reasons and more time to ponder. You never see me as your partner or a wife.”

“We have agreed on this even before we married. Why this sudden issue been raised? Are sick of this already?”

Cupping a side of Kai’s face on her hand, Soojung caressed it soothingly. “This is not about me, Kai. This is about you. You have been lifeless since Sehun disappeared. You are dying inside. I see it. I’m not too dumb to not realized things that happened around me. I could see how you see him, how you are reaching for him from the first time you meet him. And all your sufferings because of his disappearance is not because of the kids need him, it is because you yourself need him. I can see it.”

Kai could feel his breath has been stuck on his throat. His heart was thumping so hard that he could heard the throbbing through his own ears while he stared at Soojung vacantly. How did she knew the thing he tried to conceal for month?

“What are you talking about?” He finally whispered, feigning as clueless as ever.

“Now answer me, you love Sehun more than just a friend or not?”

“This is ridiculous Soojung.” Kai said before trying to go out from the room. He felt suffocated. He needed fresh air to calm his quacking body. But Soojung was fast to clutch onto his elbow and sat him down again, forcing him to face her by his shoulder.

“Stop lying to me. Stop lying to yourself. Stop living to satisfy other people and pretending you are happy because you are not. You need Sehun, go look for him. I will go my own way. I’m not ready for this life anyway.” Soojung’s stare was so powerful but so sincere crumbling all Kai’s façade. Ducking his head, for once, Kai was ashamed of himself. But for once, he loosen up the tight feeling in his chest, by letting his tears running down his face freely. He had been feeling too dejected and empty these past few days, he would die slowly if this continues.

“And you believe I can be happy with him when I did not even know where he is and he was trying so hard to not let himself been found?”

Pulling his husband toward her, Sojung embraced him in her arms, stroking his broad back soothingly like a child in distressed. “He is hurting too. I think I understand his sudden disappearance. I could see how broken he was few days before he giving birth. He dreading to leave you behind but also need to leave before he break more, because of our non existence marriage. After alI, he had been hired to carry our child. Imagine how broken he would feel if he see our complete family as he is at the side witnessing all of that. All the while seeing you happy being my husband and a father to our children, when he is loving you. I know it would be in his thought before decided to leave. So please, do us a favour. I don’t want this pretense to hurt any of us anymore. Go find him. and let us stop pretending.”

“How are you so confidence in this?” Kai whispered with hoarse voice against Soojung’s shoulder.

“You are loving each other, Kai. You have been caring for him more than you care for me throughout our marriage. While at the same time I could see the love and the fright of could not be with you in his eyes everytime he looks at you. There are loves in both of your eyes that even put me on shame to even hold the title as your wife anymore.”

There was no reason for Kai to live in denial anymore.

The next morning, Baekhyun was on his morning routine to check on Sehun when he found the younger was curling in his bed, groaning in pain, hands clutching his shirt on the stomach.

“Sehun!” Running towards the whimpering mess of Sehun on the bed, Baekhyun was shocked at his hot palm that been touching Sehun’s body while sweat and tears already dampening his hairs and face.

“Kai… Kyungsoo-ah… Baby...” The only names Sehun kept on chanting while his eyes shut closed, voice hoarse with body quaking heavily. Frowns on his face showed the great pain he was grieving for days. When the physical pain might be cured, the emotional pain he was caging all these while only was killing him little by little.

“Chanyeol! Please!”

Cupping his mouth with both of his hands, Baekhyun himself could not contain his own tears anymore. He would not let his friend torture himself with all these emotional turmoil. He needed to amend all of this for Sehun.

Sehun was hurting.

Squinting at the bright light penetrating his eyes, Sehun stare at the white ceiling above him. His whole body was hurting all over. But the dull and empty feelings his heart was feeling muting all the physical pain.

The wall and white ceiling was different from his room in Kai’s house where he had been seeking protection for seven months, nor was Baekhyun’s guest room that he had been living in the past few days.

Then only he realized he was in the hospital room when his gaze fall the needle penetrating his skin of his hand and the antiseptic he was smelling.

“Sehun… Oh thank god. You almost killing me.” There was Baekhyun’s voice. But before he could find where was him, he heard the opened and closed of door behind him.

Then he heard it.

“Papa!”

Before he could register what had happened, he had been engulfed by crying Kyungsoo in his arms. He recognized the warmth and the smell of his son’s favorite shampoo. Tightening his hold around the little body, Sehun let out a heart wrenching cry. He felt like he still in midst of unconsciousness, was he dreaming because of the grave feeling of missing the persons he loved the most?

Then he felt an arms around his shoulder, gazing up, he wished he would never see the sad smile Kai was carving again, too much remorse and disappointment in it. All because of him, and the mere thought was dreading him the most.

He sobbed harder when his eyes fall on a bundle in Kai’s hold. Taking his daughter his own arms for the first time, he could not contain his feelings anymore. The only thing he able to do was regretting the decision of the idea of leaving his whole life behind.

He would never forget the pouty small lips and crimsoning cheeks that had been haunting his sleep these past few days. Kissing the chubby cheeks for the first time heart full of guilt, Sehun gazed up to stare against Kai’s limpid eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” He weep miserably tears keep streaming his pale with cheeks. He was regretting his decision during his first step living the hospital.

Pulling all of them into his embrace, Kai then placed his lips on Sehun’s head, appreciating the warmth of his family in his hold. He was thankful for Baekhyun’s calling for him before everything was too late.

Sehun now was in his arms, everything will be okay. He got his family back.

There would be a lot of explanations he might need to do with Sehun.

This was their actual starting point, as a whole family. He never feel so complete in his life as he was feeling at the moment.

-THE END-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> x
> 
> Thank you for reading until the end. Hope you enjoy the story I initially start just for my own reading as here is no surrogate!au Sekai available. There might be errors and lacking of plot here and there but I'm happy I could finish this even a bit later than expected.
> 
> Thank you for the kudos and beautiful comments. I appreciate it a lot. 
> 
> Till we meet again!


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